Newspaper Jokes

Why was the feminist happy when the newspaper got it wrong?

Because she enjoyed being Ms-quoted

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Why was Joe disappointed when he read the newspaper in Washington?

There were no jokes in the Post.

What kind of newspaper do cows read?

The Moo York Times

What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?

Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?

Why did the newspaper cross the street?

To get to the other side of the story.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a newspaper bag?

One is made of plastic and poses a suffocation hazard to small children. The other one contains newspapers.

Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?

A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

Which newspaper is most popular around cows?

The Moo York Times

How did the newspaper go about reviewing the opera production?

They followed Standard Opera-rating Procedure

Which is the most dangerous page of the newspaper?

C4.

What's black white and read all over?

A: A newspaper.

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How did the Reddit user read his newspaper?

ltORIGINAL&gt He Reddit

How can you find a fag in a newspaper?

It's not hard.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a newspaper and a cocaine addict?

One has headlines, and the other gives head for lines.

What newspaper do cows read?

The Daily Moos.

What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and the newspaper?

Lindsay Lohan never reads the newspaper in jail, but the newspaper always reads "Lindsay Lohan in jail"

How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything?

Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.

How to make your wife take care while driving?

Tell her that if she meets with a serious accident, the newspaper will have to print her age.

What's black and white and read all over?

The newspaper.

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Swat Jokes More Swat Jokes

What do you call a SWAT team with Snoop Dogg?

A Blunt force

How do you swat one hundred flies at the same time?

Smack an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

Tv Jokes More Tv Jokes

What's faster than a black man running with a tv?

His cousin with the DVD player

What have you done wrong if the wife keep complaining when you try to watch TV in the living room?

You made the chain too long in the kitchen.

Street Jokes More Street Jokes

What do you call Jimmy Savile walking down the street?

British ... a paedestrian... *grabs coat, shuffles out of room in silent shame*

What's your street name?

Me: FUNK MASTER FERG bia bia! Best Buy: No, the name of your street.

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

Which kid is mine?

I like to reply "I haven't decided yet."

Cow Jokes More Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow that plays with itself?

Beef Stroganoff

How do you count cows?

You use a cow-culator. Or you round them up. Or any other method the commenters want.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get when you cross a vulture with a machine gun?

As far away as possible. shameful

What do you get when you cross a Cuban and a Pollock?

Ricky Retardo

Chinese Jokes More Chinese Jokes

What do you get when you cross and Chinese and a Mexican man?

A: A car thief who can't drive!

Why don't Chinese Restaurant owners do their dirty dishes?

Because it's too much wok! Sorry, I just made that up!

Small Child Jokes More Small Child Jokes

What's the difference between a small child and a gorilla?

People actually care if a gorilla dies.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a newspaper bag?

One is made of plastic and poses a suffocation hazard to small children. The other one contains newspapers.