Stab Jokes

What do my brother and Julius Caesar have in common?

They both hate been stabbed

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What do you say to Jennifer Anniston after she has been stabbed?

So noone told you knife was gonna be this way?

What do you call it when you stab a vampire in the lungs?

A miss stake

Why did the cannibal stab the chef with a toothpick?

To see if he was done cooking.

What celebrity is most likely to stab you?

James Blunt

Why do Lannisters hate turtles?

Cause they can't stab them in the back

What did the debater say after getting stabbed during an argument?

Good point

Why does it take 10 women with premenstrual tension to change a light bulb?

IT JUST DOES, OK JERK !!!! NOW SHUT UP OR I WILL STAB YOU WITH THE SCISSORS!

Why did Beethoven hate Mozart?

Because Mozart stabbed him in the Bach.

How was the beach?

You hang ten or what " No but I stabbed a couple because they kept asking stupid questions about my vacation

Why does the media always call a stabbing incident a "violent" stabbing incident?

Is it possible to stab someone non-violently

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How did you get malaria from a stab?

Malaryan Steel."

Where were u on the night of the 3rd?

Stabbing a homeless man. "Louder for the tape " Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.

How are you doing?

and you respond 'I'm doing ok. Getting better each day' & they stab you for answering

What do you get when you stab a baby with a knife?

An erection and a place to put it.

What do you call a black guy who was stabbed by a Mexican?

An ambulance.

Why is he bleeding "Because you stabbed him?

FAIL "Because he doesn't floss" CORRECT!

Where were u on the nite of the 5th?

Stabbing a guy. "Louder for the tape." leans in Grabbing a pie. I went out for pie.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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Turtle Jokes More Turtle Jokes

What do blondes and turtles have in common?

When they're on their backs, they're screwed.

Where do you find a turtle with no legs?

right where you left it.

Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

What did the Officer say after arresting the crooked cook?

I just booked a cook for cooking the books."

What do you call a steak that is cooked wrong?

A mistake

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many retards does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, line up so that I can find out..

How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

Medium Jokes More Medium Jokes

Why Isn't The Media Covering This?

the media asks other media, peering into its media mirror, media-ing before a day of media in media.

What's the worst kind of media?

chlamydia

Beethoven Jokes More Beethoven Jokes

What is Beethoven doing in his grave?

He's de-composing ! Happy Halloween everyone.

What did Beethoven the dog shed in a moment of genius?

Fur Elise

Toothpick Jokes More Toothpick Jokes

Why do we always ran out of toothpicks?

Nanny: I don't know maam. I always return it after using.

Why did the cannibal stab the chef with a toothpick?

To see if he was done cooking.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?

Q. How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company A. There's a big wheel parked outside his house.

How do you know if someone has a Samsung phone without asking?

Don't worry, they've already told you the superior qualities it has over all the other smart phones by this time.

Bach Jokes More Bach Jokes

Why couldn't C.P.E. Bach find his contemporary?

He was Haydn.

What did Schwarzenegger say when deciding which composer to be for Halloween?

I'll be Bach.