Beard Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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Who can shave 25 times in one day, and still have a beard?

A barber!

What do you call a man without a beard?

A woman.

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

Why don't girls have beards?

It's in their "jeans" ;)

Why does Sean Connery have no money and a beard?

Because he's no good at shaving.

When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

What's the difference between Bigfoot and a Mexican with a beard?

Bigfoot is occasionally sighted

What do you call a ceramicist with a beard?

A Harry Potter

Why do you need 200 condoms?

Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals

What's the difference between extremist and /r/thedonald?

At least one group can grow a beard.

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Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?

A: A barber.

What did one leg say to the other?

Shorty's growin a beard.

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

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What do you call a pilot who tries to tell a joke but gets distracted and crashes his plane into a building?

A comickaze

Why didn't the LoL champ care when she crashed her car?

Because it was Elise

Press Jokes More Press Jokes

Why can't the hydraulic press guy bring himself to crush a can of sprite?

Because it's soda pressing

What happened to when the coke bottle was ran over by the steam roller?

He was soda pressed.

M'genta Jokes More M'genta Jokes

What is a neckbeard's favorite color?

M'genta

Whats a fedora clad, neck bearded gentlemen's favorite color?

M'genta

Police Jokes More Police Jokes

What do driving and dating have in common?

Both end up with you being chased by the police if you go too fast.

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Clothe Jokes More Clothe Jokes

Where do hipsters buy their clothes?

Most likely a thrift store or Urban Outfitters, TBH.

Why do American tourists talk so loudly?

So that they can hear each other over their clothes

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat?

So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.

What's the difference between the cries of a grieving family and reggae music?

I would feel awkward dancing to reggae music.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

Why is Halloween considered the scariest time of the year?

Most weddings happen in June.

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

Occam Jokes More Occam Jokes

Why do conspiracy theorists have such long beards?

Because they don't know how to use Occam's razor

What do logicians use to shave?

Occam's razor