Beard Jokes

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What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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Who can shave 25 times in one day, and still have a beard?

A barber!

What do you call a man without a beard?

A woman.

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

Why don't girls have beards?

It's in their "jeans" ;)

Why does Sean Connery have no money and a beard?

Because he's no good at shaving.

When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

What's the difference between Bigfoot and a Mexican with a beard?

Bigfoot is occasionally sighted

What do you call a ceramicist with a beard?

A Harry Potter

Why do you need 200 condoms?

Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals

What's the difference between extremist and /r/thedonald?

At least one group can grow a beard.

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Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?

A: A barber.

What did one leg say to the other?

Shorty's growin a beard.

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

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Occam Jokes More Occam Jokes

Why do conspiracy theorists have such long beards?

Because they don't know how to use Occam's razor

What do logicians use to shave?

Occam's razor

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

How do people see so much on internet these days?

They put on the Google!

Why didn't the mother splinter call her son on his birth-day?

Because he's a little prick!

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why did the genie turn the man into a toad?

He rubbed him the wrong way.

Why didn't the man go under the boardwalk?

He doesn't like giving in to pier pressure.

Clau Jokes More Clau Jokes

What is Santa saying to Mrs. Claus right now?

I told you it would rain, dear.

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window?

Looks like rein dear"

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

How do you divide old Rome?

Using a pair of Caesars.

Why did the plant use a dating service?

To find its stomate!

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why are Aspirins and Paracetamol white?

Well, you want them to work, don't you?

Whats Black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee, ya racist.

Red Beard Jokes More Red Beard Jokes

What do you call someone with brown hair and a red beard?

Chin"ger

What happened when Red-Beard's ship and Blue-Beard's ship crashed into each other?

They were MAROONED!

25 Jokes More 25 Jokes

Where do you find a zebra?

25 letters after a, brah.

Why do Computer Scientists always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25!