Dead Body Jokes

What is the best place to hide a dead body?

On the second page of google.

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What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

What do you call a dead body and two planks?

A "Build your own Jesus" kit.

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

What's Alderaan's main export?

Dead bodies.

How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?

Cats

How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

What did Redditor Jesus say to Lazarus?

I see your dead body and raise you back to life (NSFL)

How do you find a dead body?

Download Pokemon GO.

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What do you call a person who sleeps next to dead bodies at night?

Morgue Attendant

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Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What did the neckbeard wizard use to find his way around Hogwarts?

M'rauders Map

Why did Goku cross the road?

Find out next time on Dragonball Z!

Raise Jokes More Raise Jokes

What's the difference between a black dad and a elevator?

A elevator can raise a kid

What's the difference between an elevator and a black guy?

The elevator can raise a child.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What is the favorite vacation place for people with CFS?

Mount Restmore.

Where do people go for pasta related crimes?

A PENNEtentiary!

Google Jokes More Google Jokes

Why doesn't Bono like Google?

He still hasn't found what he's looking for.

Why go to college?

There's Google.

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

Why can you never get caught with a 0 in math?

because cot(0) doesn't exist ... This joke... it burns my eyes...

How do you catch defish?

With debate.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What did the blondes left leg say to her right?

Nothing... They've never met

How much is half of 8 Pupil: Up and down or across ?

Teacher: What do you mean Pupil: Wellup and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What should you do if a bird poos on your car?

Don't ask her out again

How does Sean Connery ask for Worchestershire sauce?

x-post from askreddit) Worsheshershershosh.

Funeral Director Jokes More Funeral Director Jokes

What does the funeral director say to the 11am service goers?

Mournin'

What did the funeral director do with Alan Turing's dead body?

He encrypted it