Elect Jokes

How did the U. S. elect an Orange as president?

Gerrymandarin.

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What do you call a dog who got re-elected for mayor?

A dog with pawlitical experience.

What's one advantage of electing a woman president of the United States?

We wouldn't have to pay her as much.

What's the difference between an elected official and a piece of garbage?

Garbage gets thrown out.

How do you get elected president of my pants?

By the vote of the Erectional College...

Why should we elect Gabe Newell as President of the United States?

So there won't be a World War III.

How do you know Bernie Sanders got elected?

All your stuff has been donated to charity

What do you get when you elect Bernie Sander's son as president?

A son Bern

What do you call the first black guy elected to the White House?

Precedent.

Why do you need to be 35 to be elected president?

So women don't get elected.

How do you know when a joke has gone too far?

It's elected President.

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Why are kids with DS getting elected prom kings and queens?

Either way, they're going down in history.

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Hillary Jokes More Hillary Jokes

What did Monica say to Hillary before Election Day?

Don't blow it

Why does Hillary keep bumping into people at the White House?

So she can be pardoned.

Mayor Jokes More Mayor Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

Her: Because she had heard that the mayor was going to lay a cornerstone and she wanted to see if he could really do it.

What did the mayor of dinosaur town say when crime increased by 50%?

This calls for Jurastic changes

Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

Who's gonna be Batman?

leaves Earth*

Why did the Moon break up with Earth?

The Moon said they were slowly drifting apart.

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

Why didn't they just call "Ant-Man" Uncle?

Credit to Steve Higgins from The Tonight Show.

Who's there ! Caitlin ! Caitlin who ?

Caitlin you my trainers tonight I'm wearing them !

Clown Jokes More Clown Jokes

How do you get a clown off a swing?

hit him in the face with an Axe

How do you keep a clown from laughing?

Hit him in the face with an axe.

Madeleine Mc Cann Jokes More Madeleine Mc Cann Jokes

What does Madeleine McCann and Bin Laden have in common?

They both got their backdoors smashed in before being dumped in the sea

Whats the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?

News of the elections is getting old.

Result Jokes More Result Jokes

What's the difference between a race car and a woman?

One costs a lot of money to maintain, keep running, and give you the results you want. The other has four wheels.

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

Blow Jokes More Blow Jokes

What's the difference between a paycheck and a D**k?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

Who wants to play war?

I'll lay down and you can blow the hell out of me!