Leper Jokes

What did the leper give to the whore?

A tip

This joke may have profanity.

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How could a leper afford a nice house?

It cost an arm and a leg

How does the leper give directions?

It's straight ahead, just my finger".

What do you get when you mix a leper and a con man?

A lepercon. (In honor of Saint Patrick's day.)

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the clutch.

What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi?

Stew. Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.

Why did the leper chase the leopard?

Because she wanted the D. (I dreamed this joke last night. Not bad for a dream joke.)

What's the hardest part of breaking up with a leper ?

They always leave a piece of themselves behind.

Why did the leper return to the shower?

He forgot his head and shoulders.

What's the difference between a leper and a tree?

A tree has limbs.

What did one leper say to another?

Got yer nose!

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What do you call a leper in a hot tub?

Stew!

What happened when the lepers played poker?

One guy threw down his hand and another laughed his head off. This was my best friend's favorite joke when she was little apparently.

What do you call two lepers in a spar?

Soup

Why do ecologists like lepers?

Because they're biodegradable!

What's the fastest way to make a skeleton?

Put a leper in a wind tunnel

Why did the leper crash his car?

He left his foot on the accelerator.

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Direction Jokes More Direction Jokes

What did Germany say to Britain during World War II?

I'd luft to waffe a few bombs in your direction.

Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

Cost Jokes More Cost Jokes

What costs you more the less you spend on it?

A divorce lawyer.

What does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?

about a Buccaneer (buck-an-ear) yuck...yuck...yuck

Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What do you call an Irishman with no arms and no legs who's rolling down a hill?

Rick O'Shay.

How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

Face Jokes More Face Jokes

What's better than having a garbanzo bean on your face?

Having a chickpea on your face.

What's thr difference between the chinese and racism?

Racism has many faces.

Fail Jokes More Fail Jokes

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?

A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I told them nothing."

Why did the Muslim fail his Chemistry Exam ?

because to him, alcohol is not a solution.

Jacuzzi Jokes More Jacuzzi Jokes

What do you call 4 lepers in a jacuzzi?

Stew

What's the difference between a herpes and jacuzzi?

i let women know that i have a jacuzzi

Drive Test Jokes More Drive Test Jokes

What do you get in the Netherlands, when you fail your driving test three times?

A yellow license plate.

Why did Chewbacca fail his driving test?

He made a few Wookiee errors.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why couldn't the NSA whistleblower leave Moscow?

He got snowed in.

What is the last thing that tickle-me elmo gets before he leaves the factory?

Two test tickles