Leper Jokes

What did the leper give to the whore?

A tip

This joke may have profanity.

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How could a leper afford a nice house?

It cost an arm and a leg

How does the leper give directions?

It's straight ahead, just my finger".

What do you get when you mix a leper and a con man?

A lepercon. (In honor of Saint Patrick's day.)

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the clutch.

What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi?

Stew. Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.

Why did the leper chase the leopard?

Because she wanted the D. (I dreamed this joke last night. Not bad for a dream joke.)

What's the hardest part of breaking up with a leper ?

They always leave a piece of themselves behind.

Why did the leper return to the shower?

He forgot his head and shoulders.

What's the difference between a leper and a tree?

A tree has limbs.

What did one leper say to another?

Got yer nose!

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What do you call a leper in a hot tub?

Stew!

What happened when the lepers played poker?

One guy threw down his hand and another laughed his head off. This was my best friend's favorite joke when she was little apparently.

What do you call two lepers in a spar?

Soup

Why do ecologists like lepers?

Because they're biodegradable!

What's the fastest way to make a skeleton?

Put a leper in a wind tunnel

Why did the leper crash his car?

He left his foot on the accelerator.

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Saint Patrick Day Jokes More Saint Patrick Day Jokes

What's the only major difference between Cinco de Mayo and Saint Patrick's day?

Nobody wants to pretend to be a Mexican for a day.

What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What did the band Weezer say about the nudist beach?

All the mammaries made me want to go back there!

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

Her: Because she had heard that the mayor was going to lay a cornerstone and she wanted to see if he could really do it.

Stew Jokes More Stew Jokes

What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi?

Stew. Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.

What do you call 4 lepers in a jacuzzi?

Stew

Afford Jokes More Afford Jokes

Why do hens sit on eggs?

because they're too poor to afford chairs.

How could the dolphin afford to buy a house ?

He prawned everything !

Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?

Bob

Why can't the little girl color the elephant in her coloring book?

Her arms are amputated.

D Jokes More D Jokes

What is the biggest battery size?

The D. It's huge.

Why would a monster be big, green and scaly?

Cuz if he were small, white and smooth hed be a Tic Tac.

Mix Jokes More Mix Jokes

What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

What do you get when you mix a black and asian person?

A criminal mastermind ...

Cancel Jokes More Cancel Jokes

Why is it spelled 'cancelled' in the UK, but 'canceled' in the US?

Because the US gave the UK that L back in 1776.

Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?

They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.