Officer Jokes

What do you call a pig sitting on a hog?

Usually they prefer to be called "officer"

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What did the Officer say after arresting the crooked cook?

I just booked a cook for cooking the books."

What's the worst way to convince an officer who's pulled you over not to ticket you?

You can have my beer if you let me go."

How about now?

Officer -Sir, get out of the car.

How have you got that body?

I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the boot and there she was."

Why did you ticket the computer?

Officer: It was speeding along the information highway.

Why are you putting handcuffs on that building?

Officer: I'm making a house arrest

Why did you arrest that doctor?

Officer: He was trying to take someone's pulse.

How high are you! ?

demanded the officer. "No Officer, it's "Hi, how are you "." replied the kid.

What do you call a violent white man?

Officer

What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?

Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

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How is a woman who got her winter coat at Target similar to an officer on leave?

They both got their fur low.

What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?

Officer on doody.

What's the hurry?

Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down. Cop: I was pulling you over. Me: Well I get that. Now.

Why, what happened, officer?

He wasn't white and that wasn't right, we found he was black, and that was whack, so we shot him in the back.

What's this ticket, officer?

Loitering "I didn't drop trash" - No. Loitering. "You talk funny" - It's not- "I'm putting this on Twoiter"

Who drives it?

The officer.

How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there.

Why did you tie a rope on that criminal?

Officer: You ordered me to get a line on the suspect.

Why could the drunk man only move left?

The officer hadn't read him his rights.

How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there.

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What game is all the rage with the Ferguson rioters?

Truth or Darren Wilson.

What's the difference between officer Darren Wilson and Michael Brown?

Officer Wilson can dodge a bullet

Aircraft Carrier Jokes More Aircraft Carrier Jokes

How to you tell a naval officer from and RAF officer on an aircraft carrier?

The naval officer is trying to feed bread to the helicopters!

Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?

A: To promote off-shore drilling.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do know a job's been done by a lesbian carpenter?

There are no nails, and no screws, it's all tongue and groove!

How do you know when a vegan gets to the party?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

Corner Jokes More Corner Jokes

What if your corner isn't 90 degrees?

Well, it just wouldn't be right.

What is green and sits crying in the corner?

The incredible Sulk.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why was the dyslexic rabbit disappointed when he received the solid gold bar he had ordered via the internet?

He thought the ad said '24 carrots'

What did the Metis people think of the look on Stephen Harper's face when he lost the election?

They though it was Riel funny!

Police Officer Jokes More Police Officer Jokes

What did the police officer say to stop the depressed man from jumping off the bridge?

You have potential. Sorry if this is a repost, just thought of it now.

What video game system do police officers play in their cars?

Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...

Shape Jokes More Shape Jokes

What shape is your table?

A: Um, round But that's not really... R: Got it

How do you get your hair into shape?

You condition it

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

What is the difference between a PhD in mathematics and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of four

Why did the rancher get out of the hemp-fed beef market?

The steaks were too high.