Psychiatrist Jokes

What did the Psychiatrist say to the man who walked in wearing nothing but plastic wrap?

I can clearly see ur nuts.

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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.

What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety?

Squirrels they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells.

How do two psychiatrists greet each other?

You are fine, how am I?"

How did the psychiatrist break his leg?

He had a Freudian slip.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but only if the lightbulb really to change.

Why was the magnet seeing the Psychiatrist?

Because it was bipolar.

How many psychiatrist does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes a really long time, and the lightbulb has to want to change...

How does a psychiatrist like his sausages?

Freud

How many psychiatrists dose it take to change a light bulb?

How many psychiatrists dose it take to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb has to want to change.

Why do you want to be a psychiatrist?

pictures clients acting like chickens after I click my fingers* I want to help people

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Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the 'p' is silent.

Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist?

Because she thought everybody loved her.

Why did the magnet go to the psychiatrist?

He was bipolar.

What did the monster say to his psychiatrist?

I feel abominable.'

Why was the landlord seeing a psychiatrist?

He had an apartment complex.

How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb has to *want* to be screwed in.

Whats the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at a mental hospital?

The patients are the ones who eventually get better and get to go home.

Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel?

Because they are both surrounded by nuts.

What did the psychiatrist say to the crazy naked guy wrapped in cellophane?

Clearly, I can see your nuts.

What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic?

He charges you double.

What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats?

You know you need a psychiatrist!

How many psychiatrists does it... ...take to change a light bulb?

0, the light bulb has to want to change itself.

What's the difference between a psychiatrist and his patients at the mental hospital?

The patients are the ones that get better and get to go home.

What do they call an affair with a psychiatrist?

A psychiatric tryst.

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what's tomato with you !

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What did the Psychiatrist say to the man who walked in wearing nothing but plastic wrap?

I can clearly see ur nuts.

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If you sleep with a person, he/she is ur nap-kin.

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Ya herd one, ya herd em all.

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I herd that!"

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What do you call a prisoner who's psychic,has dwarfism and escaped the prison?

A small medium at large!

What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of jail?

A small medium at large

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What does a psychologist wear to bed?

A Freudian slip.

Where does a psychologist keep his boat?

on a Freudian Slip

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What is the difference... What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?

One is against the law and the other is a sick bird.

What do you call someone who tells you they've successfully broken the Law of Excluded Middle?

WRONG.** ... or right, or something in between.

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Why did the boy die when a car ran over his finger?

His finger was up his nose.

What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde?

You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!