Thank Jokes

What did the redneck say when he lost his virginity?

Thanks mum xD

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What did the doctor say to the speeding commuter?

Thank you for your patients.

Why can't priests have children?

Because choir boys can't get pregnant, thank God.

How fast can Klingon's run?

About Warf speed. My mom made this joke up last night at a bbq party. She likes to think she is funnier on holidays. Thanks, Mom.

Where do chicken strips find love?

Chicken tinder Thank you, to Popeye's Louisiana Kitchen's official Instagram for this gem

What do you call a pirate who intentionally sets a fire at sea?

An arrrrrsonist. Thank you. I'll be here all week.

What is a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am We are cutting your internet connections for the following reasons: 1. Illegal downloading. Thank you, and have a nice day.

How do you starve a Socialist?

You hide their food stamps under their work boots. Edit Thank you /u/DoctorBrohoof for my first gold!

Why thank you... are you single?

Girl: No, I am a dentist.

Why did the physicist move across the street from the haunted graveyard?

To observe spooky action at a distance! Thank you, I'll be here all week.

Why won't Apple's new MacBook sell well?

because it has NO FANS!!! (get it no fans ... thank you!! don't forget to tip your server.)

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How do you show your appreciation towards black holes?

Thanks for nothing!

Why don't they play poker in the savanna?

because there are too many cheetahs. Thank you i will be here all day.

What's the difference between reddit gold and the Greek drachma?

People usually thank you for giving them reddit gold.

Why do programmers think Halloween's the same as Christmas?

Because 31OCT == 25DEC (thank you very much)

What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?

They both slowly remove clogs. I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original. Thanks for the gold !

Why couldn't the Hungarian programmer buy a third long?

Because he only had Forints! Thank you thank you, tip your waiter.

Where did I get my scarf?

It's a CVS receipt. You love it Oh thank you very much.

What, why?

is it my hair Her: no Me: MY LOOKS! Her: no, it's your personality Me: oh thank god

What's the difference between the Oscars and the BET Awards?

Oscar winners can thank BOTH of their parents.

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Thanks for all the sediment.

The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.

Thank you very much, sir.

A grocery store cashier asked if I would like my milk in a bag.

I told her 'No, thanks. The carton works fine.'

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Cricket Jokes More Cricket Jokes

What do you call a story about a broken-down computer mouse?

Depressing. **crickets**

What do you call a crazy introvert?

A walnut. *crickets* Thank you, thank you.

Gold Jokes More Gold Jokes

What did the bartender say to the gold when the gold walked into a bar?

AU, get outta here!"

What did carbon yell at gold while trying to get his attention?

A! U!!! If it doesn't make sense tell it so someone out loud. Pretty sure this is my first original joke :)

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why isn't a dime worth as much today as it used to be?

Because the dimes (times) have changed.

Which dog can tell time?

A watchdog.

Bury Jokes More Bury Jokes

Why is it illegal for a person living in Virginia to be buried in Texas?

because they're still alive.

What do you call 25 attorneys buried up their chin in cement?

Not enough cement

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

What do you call a Pirate you share an apartment with?

Your room-matey.

What does a pirate wear if he works at Apple?

iPatch

Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

What would happen if the Earth was a Cube?

We'd all be cubans. I'm sorry

What did the aliens say, when they came to earth in search of soda pop?

Take me to your liter!

Hungarian Jokes More Hungarian Jokes

Why couldn't the Hungarian programmer buy a third long?

Because he only had Forints! Thank you thank you, tip your waiter.

What do you call a Hungarian insect who won't leave siddhartha alone?

A Buddha-pest.

Alabama Jokes More Alabama Jokes

What is a worm's favorite city in Alabama?

Squirming-ham

What do they do in Alabama when their car breaks down?

Build a house next to it.