Alabama Jokes

Why are Alabama weddings so small?

They've only gotta invite one family

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Why wasn't Jesus Christ born in Alabama?

They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

What do you call an Alabama woman who can run faster than her brother?

virgin

What's the best part of living in Alabama?

You don't live in Mississippi.

What does someone from Alabama say after a one night stand?

Wham, bam, thank you fam"

How does an Alabama girl know shes in for a crazy night?

Her daddy says he wants her in bed by ten.

Why is Alabama the smartest state?

Because it has four A's and one B.

Why is Alabama the worlds biggest sandwich?

Because the whole state is inbred

Why is an Alabama divorce like a tornado?

One way or the other someone is losing a trailer.

What Do You Call A Winery In Alabama?

Vineyard Skynyrd

How does Alabama keep alcohol out of high school?

Change the drinking age to 25

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What does the average Alabama football player get on his SATs?

Drool

What's the one kind of marriage that's still frowned upon in Alabama?

Interracial

What do maggots and Alabama fans have in common?

They can both live off a dead bear for years.

How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama?

One Mississippi.

What did the pilot say to the co-pilot right before the UPS plane crash in Alabama?

Too soon.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Alabama?

Everyone has the same DNA.

What do the Unabomber and a girl from Alabama have in common?

They were both fingered by their brother.

What did the Alabama woman say when she lost her virginity?

Dad you're crushing my cigarettes.

How do you know if someone is an Alabama fan?

Oh don't worry, they'll tell you.

Why did former Alabama governor George Wallace fail high school calculus?

He refused to integrate.

Why do University of Alabama graduates place their diplomas on their rear-view mirrors?

So they can park in handicap spots.

What is a worm's favorite city in Alabama?

Squirming-ham

How do Alabama parents teach their kids to put on their underwear?

Yellow in the front, brown in the back.

What's the mating call for a University of Alabama student?

I'm soo ddrrrruunnkk!"

What do they do in Alabama when their car breaks down?

Build a house next to it.

What do you call an actor from Alabama that is forced by contract to play a certain character in a production?

Role tied.

Why is a toothbrush a "tooth" brush?

Cause it was invented in Alabama! Inspiration came from the comments(http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSKBN0GP1NS20140825 irpc=932)

How do dating sites in Alabama save money?

They link to Ancestry.com

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Girl Jokes More Girl Jokes

What do you call a group of girls all named Paige?

A chapter.

Why didn't the girl ride her bike to go water the neighborhood flower bed like usual?

Because the pedals fell off.

Wise Man Jokes More Wise Man Jokes

Why was Jesus not born in West Virginia?

Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin. Gf sent me this when she was driving through the state.

When is the only time a woman says something smart?

When her sentence starts with "A wise man once said"

Fam Jokes More Fam Jokes

What do eggs say when they're turnt?

Omelette, fam

How many fams does it take to get the sky lit?

Just one sun

Good Jokes More Good Jokes

What would be a good name for my daughter who is a synth?

Synthia

What is the best part of the camp?

One wise guy answered 'Going home!'

Bear Jokes More Bear Jokes

What would Mario's name be if he was born in Canada?

Sorry-o And his brother: Luig-eh?

What did the 80 grit sandpaper say to the 36 grit sandpaper?

You're a little rougher than I'm used to, but I'll grit and bear it. I'm sorry, that joke was a little rough ;D

High School Jokes More High School Jokes

Why didn't kids make fun of argon in high school?

They never got a reaction out of him.

What do gifted bakers take in high school?

AP Flour

Virgin Jokes More Virgin Jokes

What's the difference between a washing machine and a virgin?

A washing machine doesn't follow the guy around for 2 weeks after he drops a load in it.

Why did jesus not go to australia?

He couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Jesus Christ Jokes More Jesus Christ Jokes

What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?

Termigator (jesus christ this one's even worse than the last)

What would've happened if Jesus Christ didn't make Christmas?

It would've just been "mas".