30 Jokes

How do you get 30 drunk Americans out of the pool?

Allahu Akhbarrrr"

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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?

Please Get Out The Pool"

What do you call someone with no legs?

30 a week poorer.

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?

Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.

What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently

How did Helen Keller break her hands?

Reading road signs at 30 MPH

What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker?

30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke.

How many frames per second does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 because that's peasants work.

When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?

A: Who cares!

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What does Fetty Wap buy when he goes to Walmart?

7 tees, 30 eggs

Why is the man only left with 30?

Credit to Bo Burnham.

What's a magazine?

asked every guy under 30.

What's the worst part about 30 lawyers in a bus going over a cliff?

The bus could fit 30 more lawyers.

What do you call someone who has to shave 30 times a day?

A barber

What are the similarities between a US handgun and a Feminist?

30 of them are triggered every second

Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29?

Because 30 is too many!

How do you make 30 senior citizens swear?

Shout "Bingo!" before them

What is the difference between a corrupt cop and a disposable camera?

A disposable camera doesn't have to reload 3 times to take 30 shots.

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.

How old do I look?

9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any

How many Chiropractors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but they'll take 30 visits to do it.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

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Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What did the homeless yogi say when told to leave the yoga studio?

Nah, I must stay.

Why can't Russia extradite US top-secret whistle-blowers?

Because they're Snowden (snowed-in). To all the folks on the East coast, stay safe and warm.

Bad Jokes More Bad Jokes

What's the worst part about going to the doctor's and finding out you have diabetes?

You don't get a lollipop afterwards :/

What's the difference between babies and love?

Love doesn't burn. What's worst part about making love to a dead baby. Digging up the coffin. How long does take to play hide and seek with a dead baby? It depends how small the pieces are.

730 Jokes More 730 Jokes

What time is our movie tonight?

Me: 7:30. It's 2 hours 50 minutes Hub: WHAT! I CANT STAY UP TILL 10:30 "Back off ladies. He's mine"

Why do college students already get up at 7?

Because the supermarket closes at 7:30

Camel Jokes More Camel Jokes

What do you call a camel in a car?

A camel auto!

What do you get when you cross a leopard and a camel?

A fireside rug you can get a good hump on.

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

Why don't bears wear boots?

Cos they like to walk around in their bear feet.

What do you call a black man walking down the street?

A pedestrian.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened when Dr Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?

He got atomic ache.

What's the worst thing when being told you have Alzheimer's?

It doesn't just happen the once.

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Trick question. Deadheads screw in sleeping bags.

How many Apple workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to over hype the new lightbulb and one to make sure it breaks within a year.

Fit Jokes More Fit Jokes

What's the difference between a barrel rider, and a can of Copenhagen?

You can only fit 3 fingers in a can of Copenhagen.

Why do tailors hate statisticians?

They insist that the fit could be better.