French Jokes

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with a famous French general?

Napoleon Bunnyparte!

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How do you distinguish a French tank from a British tank?

The rear-view mirrors

What do you call a french racist?

A beget!

What do you call a French pole vaulter?

A Leap Frog

How do you stop a French tank?

A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!

Why are there windows on the back of French tanks?

So they can watch the battle

When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?

I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article"

How do you know the Statue of Liberty isn't French?

It doesn't have both arms raised. And yes I know the French manufactured the Statue of Liberty and gave it to the United States

What do you call a french organized crime detective?

J'accuza

What did Shawn like most about his trip to Paris?

He said it was lovely to hear the French pheasants singing the Mayonnaise."

How do French poodles greet each other?

A: Bone-jour.

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Why is the Statue of Liberty hollow?

Because she's really French, and the French have no GUTS!

What do you call a french man who's been attacked by a bear?

Claude

What is the French verb that means "To declare war"?

Surrendre*

What's the difference between In-n-Out Burger french fries and League of Legends?

I can control my salt intake at In-n-out.

How do I know he was French, do you ask?

He went oui, oui.

Why wasn't Euro Disney popular?

Every time they set off the fireworks, the French surrendered.

When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?

When I do her hair: "How about a hat "

Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?

A. So the French can show them how to surrender.

What do French stoners smoke?

Oui-d

Why does ISIS drink instant coffee?

Because they hate French press!

What did one dehydrated French guy say to the other?

What do we do now, Pierre

Who loves hamburgers French fries and ants?

Ronald MacAardvark!

Why did the French have so many civil wars?

So they could win one.

What's the sound that a French tank does just before the enemy frontline attacks?

Beep Beep Beep...

Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

Why was Les miserable?

He was French.

Why did the French fry call the police?

Because it was a(salt)ted.

Why do the french hate League of Legends?

They have to wait 20 minutes before surrendering

did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France?

they were cooked in Greece

How does a French skeleton say hello?

Bone-jour.

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What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?

Stand back! I don't know how big it's going to get!

What's the difference between astronomy and gastronomy?

Astronomy is about things too big to wrap your head around, while gastronomy is about things small enough to wrap your head around.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

What do you call a hillbilly giraffe that lives in a trailer and drinks beer all day?

A rednnnnnneeeeeeeccccccccckkkkkk.

How do you get a Mormon to not drink all of your beer on a fishing trip?

Bring two Mormons.

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

What did the mexican fire chief call his 2 sons?

Hose A and hose B (read it out loud)

What did Christian Grey say when he read reviews of his movie?

People did not like my movie. I guess I am 50 shades of letdown... But I can sure GET UP"!

American Jokes More American Jokes

What did the American Chef say to the Asian Chef?

Take a wok.

How do you get Americans to care about the Sudanese genocide?

Dress them up as dead lions

Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

What mathematical cube can you cook with?

A boolean cube!

How Do You Make Spider-Man Cry?

Cook him some Uncle Ben's

Italian Jokes More Italian Jokes

What happened to the pimp who ate too much Italian food?

He got Pasta-toots.

What do Chinos say when you take them off?

This was incredibly clever when I first thought of it but then I did some research...the closest they get to being Italian is that George Clooney was a "pioneer" for them: Reading that makes me never want to wear them again.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What did Samsung Galaxy S 5 say to the iPhone 6?

Get bent" I hope you guys like this joke. I just came up with it.

How many times does a woman laugh after you tell her a joke?

Three. When you tell it to her, then when you explain it to her, and then when she gets it.

Water Jokes More Water Jokes

How do you sink a Polish battleship?

Put it in water

What's the creepiest body of water?

Lake Eerie. Note: This joke has probably been made before.