Grandma Jokes

What do you call a grandma that know martial arts?

A grandmartial artist. I apologise for any lost brain cells.

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Who is your Grandma's favorite politician?

Bernie Sandmaster Flash

What did Grandma say to the frog?

Something racist, probably.

What's the name of that German guy that keeps hiding my stuff around the house?

Alzheimer, Grandma.

What did 50 cent say to his grandma when he saw her knitting?

Gee U Knit!"

How long do you need to put the turkey in the oven for?

Mine was dead within 30 minutes (credit goes to my Grandma)

What happens when you put your grandma on speedial?

You get Insta-Gram

Why was the cotton candy singing?

Grandma, hush, that's Nicki Minaj

What did grandma say to grandpa while in bed?

Keep it up!

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your boxer shorts?

Your grandma.

What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?

Grandma and grandpa.

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Why is grandpa fine with performing tricks, but gets mad if you ask grandma?

It took him forever to get her off that street corner.

What did Rihanna say to her grandma with Alzheimer's?

Oh na na, what's my name

What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she gave him a scarf for Christmas?

Gee, you knit

Why is that cotton candy talking?

Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj.

What's the difference between my Grandma and the FBI?

My Grandma can unlock an iphone.

What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma?

When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.

Why'd it take Little Red Riding Hood so long to figure out it wasnt her grandma?

I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana

Why do we have 52,455,865 pictures of Grandma?

my future grandchildren probably

What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster?

Grandma monster

What did the cow say... What did the cow say when she jumped over the barbed wire fence?

I'm udderly ruined!" credit: my grandma, at every party she's ever been to

When I was your age I ate every one. Mary: Do you still like crusts Grandma?

Grandma: Yes I do. Mary: Well you can have mine.

What's pink and wrinkled and hangs out your undies?

Your grandma.

How old is your Grandma?

I dunno but we've had him a long time.

How old do I look?

9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any

What is it Johnny?

Does Grandma know anything about car mechanics " "No, why " "She's outside, under a bus"

What do you call your grandma on speed dial?

Instragram!

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Frog Jokes More Frog Jokes

What goes green-red-green-red-green-red-green-red?

A frog in my blender

What does a frog that can read say?

Reddit...reddit...

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get when you cross a motorcycle and a truck?

hit by a car.

What do you get if you cross Oddjob with Blofeld?

Oddfeld...

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why are black people so good at basketball?

Cause all they know to do is steal, run, and shoot

What's up Dad Party!" dads go nuts "I wanna know, IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?

dads in unison DON'T TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT

Oven Jokes More Oven Jokes

How do you make a duck sing?

Put it in the oven till it's Bill Withers.

What's that, turkey?

GOBBLE GOBBLE Timmy fell in a well GOBBLE GOBBLE breaks turkey's neck no time for your riddles, in the oven you go

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

Which place has the strongest gravity in the whole universe?

Bed

What do you call a police officer that doesn't get out of bed?

An under cover cop.

House Jokes More House Jokes

How many Estonians you need to build a house in Finland ?

Who knows, there is no tax record of it.

What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in?

A roundhouse.

Martial Art Jokes More Martial Art Jokes

What kind of martial art does a chef do?

Kung food (Don't hurt me, I know it's bad)

What do call a potato that knows martial arts?

Jacket Chan

Hide Jokes More Hide Jokes

How did Lex Luthor hide his money laundering from superman?

He used a krypton-currency.

How do you hide a elephant in a cherry tree?

Paint it's balls red. Howed Tarzan die Picking cherries.