Ireland Jokes

What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus?

One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.

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What time is it in Ireland when someone farts too much?

Two-forty (use an Irish accent)... It's two-farty

What is the stinkiest number in Ireland?

Farty.

Why wasn't Christ born in Ireland?

Because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Why did the pirate go to Ireland?

he thought he was going to Arrrland.

What do you call a fast sheep in Ireland?

A virgin.

What do you call a pirate from Ireland??

Arrrish

What did Saint Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland?

Are ye alright in the back there lads?

Why are there so many people in Ireland?

Cos' they keep Dublin and Dublin and Dublin...

What do you say if your peeing in Ireland and spot a leprechaun?

Urine luck

Why Ireland so rich?

Because its capital is always Dublin.

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Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?

They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

What do you call sunscreen in Ireland?

Pubs

Where did AT&T get their 2007 slogan?

Ireland: More bars in more places

Why is Dublin the capital of Ireland?

Cause it keeps on Dublin and Dublin.

What's the difference between Iceland and Ireland?

A consonant.

What's the difference between Ireland and America?

When we say waterboarding in Ireland it means surfing.

Why is everyone investing in Ireland?

because the capital is always Dublin!

Why is it so expensive to live in Ireland?

Cause they keep *Dublin* the taxes.

Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?

Because it's capital is always Dublin.

What is similar between Spain, Ireland, and the United States?

Their economies falter after a popping of a housing bubble.

What side of the road do they drive on in ireland?

None. They're so drunk and violent no one is allowed to drive.

Why is the capitol of Ireland growing so fast?

because the population is always Dublin.

How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?

By sending in millions of Muslims

What do you call a set of chairs kept outside in Ireland?

Paddy O' Furniture

Where did AT&ampT get their 2007 slogan?

Ireland: More bars in more places

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Fart Jokes More Fart Jokes

What do you call two Egyptians who've farted at the same time?

Tutankhamun.

Why little girls can't fart Do you know why little girls can't fart?

Because they don't get a**holes until they get married.

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

What's with the steering wheel?

The pirate says "ARRGGHH! It's drivin' me nuts."

What's a Pirate's favorite letter?

Rrrrrrrr? You think it be R but it be sea

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Why did Jesus have to walk everywhere?

He drove a Ford.

Whats the difference between a woman and a dog?

Put them both in the trunk of your car, drive around the block, and see which ones happy to see you afterwards.

Spot Jokes More Spot Jokes

How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents?

A: He's the stiff one.

How do you spot a vegan at the gym?

Pretty much the same as anyone else.

Irish Accent Jokes More Irish Accent Jokes

Why does Irish bean soup have exactly 239 beans in it?

Irish accent) Because one more and it would be too farty.

What time is it in Ireland when someone farts too much?

Two-forty (use an Irish accent)... It's two-farty

Pub Jokes More Pub Jokes

What is the difference between a pub and an elephant fart?

One is a bar room, and one is a Barooooooooooooom!

What do you call an aardvark that's been thrown out of a pub?

A barredvark!

Dublin Jokes More Dublin Jokes

What do you call a man who rides his camel backwards?

Lawrence of Dublin.

Why is Dublin the capital of Ireland?

Cause it keeps on Dublin and Dublin.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

Why don't bars in London have Happy Hour?

They're in Greenwich Mean Time.

What's worse than a Redditor walking into a bar?

The Holocaust.