Leave Jokes

When will there be a woman in the White House?

A: When Hillary leaves town.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What did granny say after leaving her handbag on a bus?

Allahu Akbar!" I'm going to hell for this.

How do you cook a stoned ham?

420F Glaze it Ok I'm leaving

Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road?

Do they really think someone will take it Do you think I should wash it first

Why did you leave your previous job?

ME: Because once they fire you they won't let you stay.

Why did the perv leave?

Because he came.

What do you call a soda that's really sad?

So Dapressed. I'll leave now.

What's the last thing each tickle-me-elmo doll gets before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles

Why did the farmer's house catch on fire?

He left his home on the range.

How much time do I have left, doctor?

Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what ! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5...

How much poutine was left after the hockey game?

Nunavet

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Coffee Mug

How did the Idiot break his arm while raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.

What'd Gandhi say when his friend told him to leave the protest?

Na 'ma ste

What did the couch surfing, yoga junkie say when his friend asked him to leave?

Namaste.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

How come the stadium got hot after the game?

Because all of the fans left.

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Green Jokes More Green Jokes

What's hotter, green or red peppers?

Green "Nope. Green."

What is Green and Oblong?

A well disguised orange!

Pete Jokes More Pete Jokes

What do you call a man under a pile of leaves?

Russell. What do you call a man under a pile of leaves for thousands of years Pete.

What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years?

Pete.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why did the man take a pencil to bed ?

To draw the curtains !

Why did man invent curling?

To convince women sweeping was a sport.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why do you think you'd be a good fit at our firm?

GUY WHOSE DESCRIPTION IS SO LONG HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY GET TO SAY ANYTHING:

Why do caterpillars think they are better than us?

OTHER WORM: *is drowning in a very shallow puddle*

Tear Jokes More Tear Jokes

Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ?

If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot.

What costs you a fortune and leaves you in tears a year and a half later?

Not cancer, but my relationship that just ended today!

Meet Jokes More Meet Jokes

What do you do when you meet a robotic genie?

You mech a wish.

What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?

They lived hoppily ever after!

Alley Jokes More Alley Jokes

What travels down an alley and is full of holes?

Batman's Parents.

What's the name of the Iraqi basketball team?

Alley-oop Akbar

Pile Jokes More Pile Jokes

What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a convertable?

I keep one in my garage and one in my closet. Edit:typo.

What did one pile of wood chips say to the other?

Nothing. They weren't mulch for conversation.