Leave Jokes

When will there be a woman in the White House?

A: When Hillary leaves town.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What did granny say after leaving her handbag on a bus?

Allahu Akbar!" I'm going to hell for this.

How do you cook a stoned ham?

420F Glaze it Ok I'm leaving

Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road?

Do they really think someone will take it Do you think I should wash it first

Why did you leave your previous job?

ME: Because once they fire you they won't let you stay.

Why did the perv leave?

Because he came.

What do you call a soda that's really sad?

So Dapressed. I'll leave now.

What's the last thing each tickle-me-elmo doll gets before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles

Why did the farmer's house catch on fire?

He left his home on the range.

How much time do I have left, doctor?

Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what ! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5...

How much poutine was left after the hockey game?

Nunavet

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How did the Idiot break his arm while raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.

What'd Gandhi say when his friend told him to leave the protest?

Na 'ma ste

What did the couch surfing, yoga junkie say when his friend asked him to leave?

Namaste.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

How come the stadium got hot after the game?

Because all of the fans left.

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Tear Jokes More Tear Jokes

What's the best part about showering with a 5 year-old?

The water washes away her tears

What's the difference between a baby and baby Alien?

One bursts into tears. The other bursts out of tears

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What's 41 times 11?

I can't find the answer anywhere.

Why did the storm trooper buy an iPhone?

Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.

Happy Hour Jokes More Happy Hour Jokes

Why did the emo kid leave the bar?

It was happy hour.

Where do Pixar employees go for Happy Hour?

CGI Friday's.

Emo Kid Jokes More Emo Kid Jokes

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just sit in the dark and cry.

Where would you find the emo kid at his birthday party?

Just *hanging* out by himself in the bedroom

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do you call a room with no walls?

A mushroom. Some people don't think that this is a joke. But it makes me rofl all over the place.

Where do I see myself in ten years?

I don't know. Let me think. *pictures self riding jet ski made of bones through space*

Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

What did the hippy say when he was told to get off the couch and get a job?

Namaste (pronounced:nah I'ma stay)

Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch?

He had no attachments.

Old Man Jokes More Old Man Jokes

What do you call an old man's hard on?

Petrified wood.

Why did the old man sneak past the cupboard?

He didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What happens when a bull and a horse go to a bar?

They get BUCKED up!

Why did Snake walk into the bar?

Because he wears an eyepatch and has poor depth perception.