Tear Jokes

Who's there? Dave. Dave who?

Dave promptly burst into tears as not everyone in the world knew Dave.

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What Happens when the Cubs win the World Series?

They Leave a Trail of Tears

What costs you a fortune and leaves you in tears a year and a half later?

Not cancer, but my relationship that just ended today!

What did Eric Clapton do after he wrote Tears in Heaven?

Threw his baby out the window.

How does it feel to have your head separated from your body?

It tears your apart.

Why does salt melt snow?

Because when your salty you melt down in tears.

What's the difference between a baby and baby Alien?

One bursts into tears. The other bursts out of tears

What does Reddit and Dating have in common?

It wastes your time and you walk away with either tears or a slight chuckle.

What's one thing the Hulk would struggle tearing down?

The fourth wall

What did the ancient Greek mother say when her sons toga got torn?

Euripides, Eumenides

Why did the tear testify in court?

Because he was an eye wetness.

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What do you give someone who is about to tear up?

Tape

Why was the Trail of Tears so hard on the Native Americans?

It's not easy to hike a trail when you're always falling down drunk.

What starts out happy but ends in tears?

Marriage

Why was the Berlin Wall torn down?

It didn't match with the Iron Curtains.

What's the best part about showering with a 5 year-old?

The water washes away her tears

Why was the sacajawea coin made?

because the Trail Of Tears had a toll booth.

What does a gift and a black man have in common?

White children get immense joy after tearing one open

What's wrong with Andrew Jackson?

He had an Underground Rail Road too, called the Trail of Tears.

Why didn't the bear from the revenant win the Oscar?

Because it would've torn Leo up to receive another Oscar loss

Who will I share the sunset with now?

sobs* Friend: Bad breakup Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.

Why are we running so fast?

asked one. "Because" said the second "it says 'tear along the dotted line'!"

What's the difference between a wealthy man wearing a tux and riding a bike and a hobo in torn jeans and shirt riding a unicycle?

Attire.

How the rap feud started Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party?

2pac: sure, no biggie Biggieeavesdropping: wipes tears

What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?

A holy terror.

Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon?

OC) Because he had the power of a torn knee

What's the difference between CrossFit and a cult?

A torn ACL

What did the ocean said to the river when they parted ways ?

Nothing, he was just full of tears

Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar?

He wanted to take a month off.

Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ?

If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot.

Why are dogs always SENSITIVE?

Because they have tears in their eyes

Why is fruit so expensive?

I want some raspberries, not the tears of Jesus.

What do you call a tear in the American flag?

An old glory hole.

How does Steve Irwin open a lock made of tears?

With a "Cry-key!"

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

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What does an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac spend his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

How do Chinese people name their babies?

A: They throw them down the stairs to see what noise they make.

What sits in the kitchen and gets smaller and smaller?

A baby combing its hair with an apple peeler

Toilet Paper Jokes More Toilet Paper Jokes

What's the best way to save on toilet paper?

Slow your roll.

Why is toilet paper no good for wrapping presents?

Cos it's tear-able.

Relationship Jokes More Relationship Jokes

What's the difference between tequila, and all of my relationships?

Tequila never goes bad

What is hard to get from Straight men?

Straight answers about relationships.

Trail Jokes More Trail Jokes

Why do girls have legs?

ever seen the trail a slug leaves?

What kind of trails does a crazy person travel?

Psychopaths. (I hate myself)

Trail Tear Jokes More Trail Tear Jokes

Why was the Trail of Tears so hard on the Native Americans?

It's not easy to hike a trail when you're always falling down drunk.

What Happens when the Cubs win the World Series?

They Leave a Trail of Tears

Snow Jokes More Snow Jokes

Why can't Russia extradite US top-secret whistle-blowers?

Because they're Snowden (snowed-in). To all the folks on the East coast, stay safe and warm.

Why did the US Informant get stuck in Russia?

He was snowed-in.

Fourth Jokes More Fourth Jokes

What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Independence Day?

The Fourth of Ghoul-ly!

Who likes music?

asks a commander. - Two soldiers step forward. - All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor.