Chop Jokes

What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law?

You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What is the difference between a baby and a onion?

No one cries when you chop up the baby.

What's worse than dropping a scope of ice cream?

Dropping 2 scoops of ice cream. What's worse than dropping 2 scoops of ice cream? Getting a hand chopped off. What's worse than getting a hand chopped off? Getting both hands chopped off. What's worse than getting both hands chopped off? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Dropping 3 scoops of ice cream.

Whore?

I don't cry when I chop up a Whore.

This joke may have profanity.

How long have you been chopping wood for?

I'm not sure, I'll check the logs"

What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?

Oh no not snake and pygmy pie again!

What did storm say when she saw wolverine chopping wood?

That's a huge axe man!

Why did the alcoholic chop off the little boy's legs?

He wanted his *Kidneys*.

What was Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite snack?

Chopped dates.

Why did the butcher die ?

Because he chopped off the wrong sausage.

What do french fries and friends have in common?

They both die if you chop them

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Coffee Mug

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?

A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

Why did Henry VIII have so many wives ?

He liked to chop and change !

What did Napoleon say about the chopped up body?

I wanna Bone a part

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.

What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup?

Everybody can chop pork but nobody can pea soup.

What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?

I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.

What did the chopped wood say to the tree?

Run!

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China Jokes More China Jokes

What is the most important factor in China's future?

Euthanasia.

Why can't you have multi-story buildings in China?

That would be wong on so many levels!

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What's it like being a grown up?

Me hands her money: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn. 10: This is only $2 M: Exactly

What do hand grenades and wives have in common?

Remove the ring and your house is gone.

Everybody Jokes More Everybody Jokes

Why was everybody too afraid to go to the barber?

He committed barbercide.

What is Asia's favourite sitcom?

Everybody loves Ramen.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What do you call a cow that just had a baby?

Decalfinated

What baby?

Oh, so you're not pregnant '

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

How many Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, change comes from within.

Who's there ! Army Ant ! Army Ant who ?

Army Ants coming for tea then

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a worm and an apple ?

Have you ever tried worm pie !

What's the difference between a house cleaner and a thief?

The way they enter your house.

Pea Soup Jokes More Pea Soup Jokes

What's the difference between pea soup and mashed potatoes?

Anyone can mash potatoes

What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person?

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.

What does Snoop Dogg do when he forgets to put on oven mitts?

He drops it like it's hot.