Elf Jokes

What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?

Leave my presents

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What do you call one of Santa's helpers who bosses around the reindeer?

When he found out, Santa shouldn't have gotten mad, he only had his elf to blame. Now Santa won't forgive him until elf freezes over.

What does Santa teach his elves?

The Elfabet!

What do elves learn in school?

The elf-abet.

What do you call an elf that sings?

A wrapper.

Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas?

Elf and safety

Why did the elf have to play with Mega Bloks?

Because he was Legoless

What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop?

WRAP MUSIC!

What do you call a woodland elf without any connecting plastic bricks to play with?

Legolas

What do you call an elf that follows Scientology?

Elron Hubbard

How do elves spell?

With an elfabet.

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How many elves does a german santa have?

Elf.

What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?

ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone sack time!!

What's the difference between a gnome and an elf?

Gnomenclature.

What do you call an elf who lost all his toys?

Legolas

What do you call an elf that's afraid of Jethro Tull?

A: 10:45

What do you get when you mix an elf and a scientologist?

Elrond Hubbard!

What business does an elf, a man and a dwarf have in the Riddermark?

A nearby horseman answers, "Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!"

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

How many elves does it take it screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but they have to be very small.

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Legola Jokes More Legola Jokes

Why did the drunk guy call the sheep Legolas?

Because it was a cloud

What do you call a woodland elf without any connecting plastic bricks to play with?

Legolas

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know if someone is Puerto Rican?

They tell you.

How do I know you're not John Cena?

I can see you

Wrapper Jokes More Wrapper Jokes

Why don't elephants like penguins?

Because they can't get the wrapper off.

What do you call blonde girls in a wrapper?

Airheads

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.

What hits the ground first?

The apple because the black man was stopped by a noose.

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

Which of the following is a dangerous disease?

A)Bola B)Bola C)Bola D)Bola E)Bola

What's the difference between a washing machine and a virgin?

A washing machine doesn't follow the guy around for 2 weeks after he drops a load in it.

Freeze Jokes More Freeze Jokes

How do you make a dog sound like a cat?

You freeze it, put it on a bandsaw and cut it; "Meoooow".

What pokemon would you catch in Antarctica?

Freezing.

Blame Jokes More Blame Jokes

Who's to blame?

The motorist. He really shouldn't be driving in the kitchen. (Edit: formatting)

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

I have only my shelf to blame"

High Elf Jokes More High Elf Jokes

What does the high elves call Gandalf?

Methrandir

Who stole the golden necklace? Was it a High Elf, a Nord or a Khajiit?

The Khajiit.