Marijuana Jokes

What does a pencil have in common with marijuana?

If it doesn't make you look smart, it's blunt.

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How is marijuana stock sold on the stock market?

Buy high sell higher.

Why did the cow return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Where is the best place in town to buy marijuana?

High Street, of course.

Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?

The steaks were getting too damn high.

What do you call a guy with two marijuanas?

Double jointed.

Why did the marijuana addict lose the race?

He was running on fumes.

What does Michigan State football and Marijuana have in common?

They are both green and get smoked in bowls!

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What happens when you give a cow marijuana?

The "steaks" get higher

What do you call money that grows on trees?

Marijuana

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What's more illegal than marijuana?

My Mexican neighbor

Why did the cows keep returning to the field of marijuana?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What do you call a marijuana induced tragedy?

Blunt Trauma

What do you get when you mix olive oil, lemon juice, rosemary, thyme, salt, pepper and marijuana?

Cheech Marinade!

What did the Chinese vocalist do after smoking some marijuana?

He Shanghai.

Why did the cattle leave the marijuana field?

Because the steaks were too high!

Why are the steaks so high?

Because the pot was calling the cattle back and the cows went back to the marijuana field.

What did the middle eastern man say to his marijuana enthusiast wife?

Stoner!

What do the Montreal Canadians and marijuana addicts have in common?

Both of them smoke the leafs

What kind of marijuana do cows smoke?

moo-dicinal

Why did the cows return to the marijuana farm?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What do you get when you administer marijuana to cows?

High steaks! (I'll just see my way out...)

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Cattle Jokes More Cattle Jokes

What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?

The first herd shot round the world!

When you are driving though the field in Texas, you see a lot of cattle. They are very special. Wanna know why?

They are out standing in the field

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What happens when you mock the host of Diners, Drive-In's, and Dives?

The guy gets fierious.

What did the guy say to MJ at the beach?

Get out of my son.

Course Jokes More Course Jokes

What's the instinctual response to a bad gym selfie?

A reflex of course.

What is Brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre, of course.

Mix Jokes More Mix Jokes

What do you get when you mix a helicopter and a rhino?

Hell if I know.

What happens when you mix mustard and ketchup together?

it's must-up ..

Grow Jokes More Grow Jokes

What do you call a fuzzy animal that grows on trees?

A root bear! (I came up with this joke a few minutes ago. I hope it's funny)

What's this for?

He asked. "A pay rise." I replied. "My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens to all the unsold christmas trees?

A Total TreeCull. Basically, on the evening of December 25th, every christmas tree salesperson does the trees

What happens when Fonzie doesn't fold his clothes after doing laundry?

His shirts get all winkly.

Field Jokes More Field Jokes

Why do geologists love sandwiches in the field?

Because they can get their whole grains.

What's the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies?

My erection.

Marijuana Addict Jokes More Marijuana Addict Jokes

Why did the marijuana addict lose the race?

He was running on fumes.

What do the Montreal Canadians and marijuana addicts have in common?

Both of them smoke the leafs