Opposite Jokes

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

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Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?

His life improved after he met the rock.

What is the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly.

What do you call a lawmaker in a society ruled by horses that says one thing but does the opposite?

A hippocratic hypocrite.

What's the opposite of progress?

congress.

What's the opposite of a pharmacist?

A harmacist

What do you call the opposite of a cynic?

a dupe.

What is the opposite of Turkish?

Pig Latin

What's the opposite of marshmellow?

Well, I guess it would be marshmadness

Who's the opposite of Willem Dafoe?

Willem DaFriend.

What's the opposite of effort?

F it.

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What is the opposite of a protein?

An amateur teen ( )

What's the opposite of drunken noodles?

Soba noodles!

What's the opposite of shell shock?

Shell expectation

What is the opposite of a meme?

A youyou

What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her?

It's an aunt- -him.

What's the opposite of a hipster?

A napster

What is the opposite of leapfrog?

Toadstool

Whats the opposite of under?

Der.

What's the opposite of evening?

unevening.

What is the opposite of an autistic?

What is the opposite of an autistic? A Socialist.

What is the opposite of an autist?

A socialist.

Why do people buy smart cars?

Because opposites attract.

What is the opposite of paranoia?

Thinking you are following someone.

What's the opposite of running away and getting married?

Anteloping.

What's the opposite of Stephen Hawking?

Stephen Talking.

Why do people love their smartphones so much?

Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)

What's the opposite of condescending?

gif(http://25.media.tumblr.com/6b1b800af79638830eef30deb8163bbf/tumblrms1l531JGu1s29n2zo1250.gif)

What is the opposite of peace?

is the question.

What's the opposite of Easter?

Wester

What's the opposite of Tim Walken?

Tim Daly.

What's the opposite of quantum physics?

Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin') ...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).

What's the opposite of a somersault?

A winter pepper.

What is the opposite of Dominoes?

Domi does not know....

What is the opposite of progress?

colgatereally)Congress.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken. (Not sure if it's a repost, but I don't think I've seen it posted here.)

What's the opposite of pro?

Con. So what's the opposite of progress

What is the opposite of Imagination?

I have no idea.

What's the opposite of the Sun?

The Guardian.

Whats the opposite of nickle back?

Bill front (Money jokes i got em)

What's the opposite of an antijoke?

An unclejoke

What is the Opposite of Palindrom?

NTSCindrom HAHAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAHAHA

What's the opposite of ennui?

Off-ui. from *Gilmore Girls*.

Whats the opposite of feminism?

Common sense

What is the opposite of /r/upliftingnews?

r/news

What's the opposite of Adele?

Amac or BB-Mac (you pick which one's funnier)

What is the opposite of an iPad Mini?

A Maxi Pad

What's the opposite of 4chan?

4chad

What is the opposite of pro?

Con. What is the opposite of progress Congress.

What's the opposite of funny?

answer: Jay Leno

What's the opposite of "lily white"?

A racist term of some sort.

What is the opposite of Karen Carpenter and John Denver duo?

Two Live Crew

What is the opposite of a cold front?

A warm back

What is the opposite of Polygamy?

gt What is the opposite of Polygamy Monotony

What is the opposite of a Predator?

a Postdator

What's the opposite of critical thinking?

Critical theory.

What's the opposite of a hot dog "Um...a cold cat?

Exactly. Now let's talk about Fluffy

What's the opposite of Kathmandu?

Dogwomandon't.

What two states are opposites?

A: Maryland and Misury

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Christopher Reeve Jokes More Christopher Reeve Jokes

Why did Christopher Reeve lose the debate?

Because his arguments against scrutiny.

What do you call Christopher Reeve before the accident?

Christopher Walken.

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What did the elephant say to the naked guy?

That thing sure is cute, but can it pick up peanuts?

How strict is the "I licked it, it's mine" policy?

There's some things I've licked that I don't want.

Irony Jokes More Irony Jokes

What do you call it when a blacksmith makes something white?

Irony.

Why did the anvil hit the blacksmith instead?

Because it was irony.

Rub Jokes More Rub Jokes

What is green sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together ?

Chimney Cricket !

Why was the whiteboard angry with the Eraser?

The Eraser had rubbed the Whiteboard the wrong way.

American History Jokes More American History Jokes

What do you call the most successful vasectomist in American history?

American Snipper

What two things look exactly the opposite but mean exactly the same?

9/11 and 11/9 - darkest days in American history

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

Why did Bowie die?

I guess he was shot through the heart

What could you bring to this company?

Me: Well I guess I could bring my stereo, but I get to choose what we listen to.

Socialist Jokes More Socialist Jokes

How do you starve a Socialist?

You hide their food stamps under their work boots. Edit Thank you /u/DoctorBrohoof for my first gold!

How many Socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

None comrade, the bulb holds the seeds to its own revolution!

Kevin Hart Jokes More Kevin Hart Jokes

Which president likes doing laundry?

George WASHING-A-TON. He's the 8 year old white Kevin Hart.

Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?

His life improved after he met the rock.