Opposite Jokes

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

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Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?

His life improved after he met the rock.

What is the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly.

What do you call a lawmaker in a society ruled by horses that says one thing but does the opposite?

A hippocratic hypocrite.

What's the opposite of progress?

congress.

What's the opposite of a pharmacist?

A harmacist

What do you call the opposite of a cynic?

a dupe.

What is the opposite of Turkish?

Pig Latin

What's the opposite of marshmellow?

Well, I guess it would be marshmadness

Who's the opposite of Willem Dafoe?

Willem DaFriend.

What's the opposite of effort?

F it.

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What is the opposite of a protein?

An amateur teen ( )

What's the opposite of drunken noodles?

Soba noodles!

What's the opposite of shell shock?

Shell expectation

What is the opposite of a meme?

A youyou

What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her?

It's an aunt- -him.

What's the opposite of a hipster?

A napster

What is the opposite of leapfrog?

Toadstool

Whats the opposite of under?

Der.

What's the opposite of evening?

unevening.

What is the opposite of an autistic?

What is the opposite of an autistic? A Socialist.

What is the opposite of an autist?

A socialist.

Why do people buy smart cars?

Because opposites attract.

What is the opposite of paranoia?

Thinking you are following someone.

What's the opposite of running away and getting married?

Anteloping.

What's the opposite of Stephen Hawking?

Stephen Talking.

Why do people love their smartphones so much?

Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)

What's the opposite of condescending?

gif(http://25.media.tumblr.com/6b1b800af79638830eef30deb8163bbf/tumblrms1l531JGu1s29n2zo1250.gif)

What is the opposite of peace?

is the question.

What's the opposite of Easter?

Wester

What's the opposite of Tim Walken?

Tim Daly.

What's the opposite of quantum physics?

Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin') ...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).

What's the opposite of a somersault?

A winter pepper.

What is the opposite of Dominoes?

Domi does not know....

What is the opposite of progress?

colgatereally)Congress.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken. (Not sure if it's a repost, but I don't think I've seen it posted here.)

What's the opposite of pro?

Con. So what's the opposite of progress

What is the opposite of Imagination?

I have no idea.

What's the opposite of the Sun?

The Guardian.

Whats the opposite of nickle back?

Bill front (Money jokes i got em)

What's the opposite of an antijoke?

An unclejoke

What is the Opposite of Palindrom?

NTSCindrom HAHAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAHAHA

What's the opposite of ennui?

Off-ui. from *Gilmore Girls*.

Whats the opposite of feminism?

Common sense

What is the opposite of /r/upliftingnews?

r/news

What's the opposite of Adele?

Amac or BB-Mac (you pick which one's funnier)

What is the opposite of an iPad Mini?

A Maxi Pad

What's the opposite of 4chan?

4chad

What is the opposite of pro?

Con. What is the opposite of progress Congress.

What's the opposite of funny?

answer: Jay Leno

What's the opposite of "lily white"?

A racist term of some sort.

What is the opposite of Karen Carpenter and John Denver duo?

Two Live Crew

What is the opposite of a cold front?

A warm back

What is the opposite of Polygamy?

gt What is the opposite of Polygamy Monotony

What is the opposite of a Predator?

a Postdator

What's the opposite of critical thinking?

Critical theory.

What's the opposite of a hot dog "Um...a cold cat?

Exactly. Now let's talk about Fluffy

What's the opposite of Kathmandu?

Dogwomandon't.

What two states are opposites?

A: Maryland and Misury

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Life Jokes More Life Jokes

What happened when the Easter Bunny caught his head in the fan?

It took ears off his life!

What do you call a semiaquatic, furry little animal than never amounted to anything in it's life?

An *otter* failure (I'll see myself out)

Michael Schumacher Jokes More Michael Schumacher Jokes

Who is the best Podracer in Star Wars?

Michael Chewbacca EDIT: Some people don't get the joke..... Michael schumacher is a F1 race car driving legend.

What do you call a speeding vegetable?

Michael Schumacher.

Irony Jokes More Irony Jokes

Whats the difference between a woman and a feminist?

A woman can understand irony and satire without being offended.

What is the definition of irony?

Having a democratic debate in a city that was destroyed by over 50 years of democratic rule.

Pig Latin Jokes More Pig Latin Jokes

Why is it called "pig latin"?

ecausebay ronyiay

What is the opposite of Turkish?

Pig Latin

119 Jokes More 119 Jokes

What two things look exactly the opposite but mean exactly the same?

9/11 and 11/9 - darkest days in American history

Why do Americans order their dates Month/Day/Year?

Because 11/9 just doesn't have the same ring to it.

American History Jokes More American History Jokes

What two things look exactly the opposite but mean exactly the same?

9/11 and 11/9 - darkest days in American history

What do you call the most successful vasectomist in American history?

American Snipper

Christopher Reeve Jokes More Christopher Reeve Jokes

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Sorry if you've heard this) Christopher Walken

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

911 Jokes More 911 Jokes

Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11 ?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane.

What's the difference between the 9/11 attack and a dairy cow?

You stop milking the cow after ten years.