Daddy Jokes

What's your Mom's name?

Kid: Mom's last name must be "Darling" because that's what Daddy calls her every time.... Teacher: That's so sweet. What's her first name then? Kid: I think it's "Sorry"....

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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How does an Alabama girl know shes in for a crazy night?

Her daddy says he wants her in bed by ten.

How do you make an orphans hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until daddy gets home

What does a 16 year old girl say in West Virginia?

Get off me daddy, you're crushing my smokes

Why was the Egyptian boy confused?

His daddy was really a mummy.

How do you know ancient Egyptians were black?

Because they never dig up daddies.

Why was the Ancient Egyptian boy confused?

His daddy was a mummy

Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?

Kids: WE DO! YAY!

Why did the Egyptian kid in therapy?

Because he thought his daddy was his mummy.

Who's your Daddy?

In my excitement, I asked my girlfriend "How's your daddy " instead of "Who's your daddy " and now five hours later we're still talking about his diabetes...

Why were ancient Egyptian children confused?

Because their daddies were mummies.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What's the first thing a hillbilly says after losing her virginity?

Get off me Daddy, you're crushing my cigarettes.

How did you meet daddy?

Me: Well, it all started with a friendly game of spin the bottle at the family reunion...

When your kid asks you (daddy is it time to go crazy?

you don't know what to say until you wife reply's (idk go ask you dad.) what do you say My little joke

Why was the Egyptian kid confused?

Because his daddy was a mummy

What does Frankenstein's monster call a screwdriver?

Daddy.

Which tax haven is a daddy?

The Cayman Islands

How was your day, Daddy?

Me: Pretty busy, lots of meetings and deadlines. Her: DEAD LIONS! !

What did the Mississippi girl say when she lost her virginity?

Get off me Daddy you're crushin' my cigarettes.

Why is grandpa running daddy?

Shut up son, and give me another shell.

Where's that?

Hawaii Where's that -Jamaica Daddy where was I -You weren't born Why's the folder called 'Good Ole Days'

What did the blonde say when she knocked over a priceless Ming vase?

A. "It's okay Daddy I'm not hurt."

Where did you learn to do that?

Don't wipe boogers on Mommy's pillow! Wipe it on Daddy's

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Little Black Kid Jokes More Little Black Kid Jokes

What did the little black kid say when he had diarrhea?

Daddy help I'm melting!"

What did the little black kid get on his SAT's?

Barbecue sauce.

Alabama Jokes More Alabama Jokes

Why is Alabama the worlds biggest sandwich?

Because the whole state is inbred

What do maggots and Alabama fans have in common?

They can both live off a dead bear for years.

Hour Jokes More Hour Jokes

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

What do white guys do that lasts hours and makes white women scream?

NASCAR

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

What is it called when you sleep talk about your subconscious feelings ?

A Freudian Sleep.

What illness are you suffering from if you keep seeing cartoon animals who talk?

Disney spells.

Hippie Jokes More Hippie Jokes

How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

Please help. There are ten so far and they have invited their gross friends to our home. They are using the broken lightbulb to smoke crack off of.

What's the difference between a hippie and a geologist?

Not much. One likes getting stones, the other likes getting stoned.

Egyptian Jokes More Egyptian Jokes

Where do Old Egyptian people go to Swim?

The Senile River

What did one Egyptian say to the other Egyptian after they both farted?

Hey we have a toot in common.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?

Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? A: Because he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing the chickens.

Why did the bait-shop owner take an apprentice ?

He wanted to be a master-baiter.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What does a cat say when you tread on its tail?

ME-OW! I am very sorry. Just thought of it and felt like everyone should hear it. Maybe some jokes are better left untold...

Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train?

Because they're poor conductors! (I know they're called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)