Vegetarian Jokes

What do you call a vegetarian with bad gas?

A leaf blower

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What does a person with no arms and a guy dating a vegetarian have in common?

They both get toe food

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?

A salad shooter.

What's a Monk's favorite breakfast food?

Well, they're vegetarians so probably not what you're thinking...

What do Driving Testers and Vegetarians have in common?

They are both very pedantic

What did Darth Vader say to the vegetarian stormtrooper?

I find your lack of steak disturbing."

What do you call a Korean with a dog?

vegetarian. For the record, I'm Korean and have a dog haha.

What do you call an Chinese family with a pet dog?

Vegetarians. Source: I'm Chinese.

How do you know if someone is a vegetarian?

He is going to tell you.

How do you know who in the room is a vegetarian?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

What do you call an asian walking a dog?

A vegetarian.

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What do you call a Chinese man with a pet cat?

A vegetarian.

What do call you someone who feeds on comatose patients and pizza?

A vegetarian.

What do vegetarian zombies want?

Graaaaiiiiinss!

What do you call a vegetarian?

A hopeless romaine-tic

What did the vegetarian do to get ripped?

He juiced...

How do you know when there's a vegetarian at your bbq?

They'll tell you.

What kind of joke do you tell to a vegetarian?

One they've never herbivore.

How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?

He became a vegetarian.

What's the secret to a long life?

I said, "Never order vegetarian in Texas"

What do Native Americans call vegetarians?

Poor hunters

What was the cannibal's favorite part about the Vegetarian dish?

The Vegetarian

How can you tell if a person is a vegetarian?

Don't worry. They'll tell you they're a vegetarian.

Who are the hamburgers favourite people?

Vegetarians!

What do vegetarian zombies eat?

Grrrrrainnnnnssss.

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Why shouldn't you wear loose fitting shorts when visiting Ukraine?

Because Chernobyl fallout

How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store. The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?" The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"

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How can you tell a dog from an elephant?

The elephant remembers.

What's the difference between a wife and a dog?

The later you get home, the happier one is to see you

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What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol?

My record is 21 years.

Who's Gotye?

while their kids were like, "What's a record

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What do you call a cowboy with a case of bad gas?

Darn tootin'! (this is so dumb im sorry)

What do you call a vegetarian with bad gas?

A leaf blower

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Why is it so hard to get to know Guantanamo Bay detainees?

Because they're too cagey.

How do we know Jesus wasn't a virgin?

Because he got nailed three times.

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Why do mathematicians think that spring is summer?

It's not their fault. May tricks them.

Why did the mathematician get pulled over?

for drinking and deriving

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What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?

They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.

Why did the teacher cross the room?

To get to the other slide.

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Why do cars slow down when they see a cop has pulled someone over?

HE'S A LITTLE BUSY TO WORRY ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW DUMMIES

How do you tell them apart?

Don't worry. They'll tell you.