Wizard Jokes

Why is Gandalf so good in bed?

Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

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How often to wizard journalists get paid?

They make a Daily Prophet.

What do you call a make-believe country for wizards?

A magi nation

Why is Bill Cosby like the The Wizard of Oz?

Cosby Cosby Cosby Cosby cos, because of the wonderful things he drugs

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

How does Gandalf know he's pregnant?

A wizard is never late.

Why were the witch and wizard always kissing each other's necks?

Because they were neckromancers

Why couldn't the wizard get the witch pregnant?

He had a hollow-weenie

What do you call a wizard that puts people to sleep?

Dumblebore

What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?

The police made him bring it back again.

Why did the wizard ask a pretty chick to throw a heavy box on him ?

Not just the hard on............ it would've made him more flexible

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What do you call a wizard holding a teacup?

A saucer-er!

Where do witches and wizards shop?

Voldemart.

Which wizard can help you tone up your arms and upper body?

Dumbbelldor.

What do you call a wizard who loves being on busy trams?

Harry Frotteur

Why did the wizard wear a yellow robe to the Halloween party?

He was going as a banana.

Why did the wizards wife have hickeys on her neck?

Because he was a neck-romancer....

How did the witches and wizards in the Alzheimer's ward refer to Voldemort?

You-knew-who

How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?

Depends what you want it to change into...

What do you call a wizard with a good outlook on life?

An Opti-Mystic.

How does a wizard keep his potions safe from burglary?

A: With a warlock.

When I fix someone's computer and they say "Wow how'd you do that?

I tell them I'm a wizard then throw glitter in their face.

What is yellow and goes click-click?

A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older Wizard: With luck yes. Witch:

Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?

To prevent bat breath!

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Mexican Jokes More Mexican Jokes

Where do the Mexican truckers hang out?

The guay station.

What do you get when you mix a Mexican with an octopus?

I dont know, but it sure as hell can pick apples.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

How is your job and your wife different?

I don't mind telling work the other jobs I've done

What do you call a woman with a very round head?

Sophia. (sphere) it works best spoken

I.T. Jokes More I.T. Jokes

What's the I.T. guy's favorite pokemon game?

It's a toss up between ruby and perl.

How many I.T. guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

none. That's a hardware problem but have you tried turning it on and off again

Kiss Jokes More Kiss Jokes

How do skeletons kiss?

They don't. Skeletons don't have lips, they just bone.

Why do think that?

The boy responds "Because he closes his eyes when he kisses me."

Cast Jokes More Cast Jokes

What do you get when you cast Michael J. Fox as Walter White?

Shaking Bad.

Who did they cast as the Hulk"s dog?

Bark Roofalo

Drug Jokes More Drug Jokes

What type of drugs do ducks use?

What type of drugs to ducks use? Quack cocaine.

How does the devil measure his drugs?

In pentagrams

Perform Jokes More Perform Jokes

How does a Metal Wizard perform his spells?

He ChromeCasts. anDruid humor.

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

Finger Jokes More Finger Jokes

What is a proctologist's drink of choice?

Two fingers of whiskey.

What did the finger say to the thumb?

A: I'm in glove with you.