Argument Jokes

What is it called when two Vegans get into an argument?

A Beef

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When do you REALLY know you need to break up with you GF?

When she starts winning arguments with you inner-voice.

What's an argument in the Middle East but a compliment in the U.S.A?

You da bomb" "No, you da bomb!"

What do you get when you cross an atheist and a christian?

An argument

What do you call a group of philosophers?

An argument.

What is a bigot?

A bigot is anyone winning an argument with a liberal.

Why did Christopher Reeve lose the debate?

Because his arguments against scrutiny.

What is a rift valley?

Valleys that have fallen out after an argument.

Why shouldnt you ever have an argument with Mbius?

Because theyre always so one sided!

What does an empathetic kleptomaniac do in an argument?

He puts himself in the other person's shoes and then walks away.

What do you get when an argument occurs on a camping trip?

A tents atmosphere

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What did the debater say after getting stabbed during an argument?

Good point

What do you call an invalidation of someone's argument because they cannot differentiate between their and they're?

ad homonym

What's not there when you get into an argument, but there when you lose the argument?

The door.

Why fist fights break out at NASA?

Sometimes an argument of perihelion will get out of hand.

How did Caitlyn Jenner and Kanye West settle an argument?

They went outside and exchanged blows.

Why should you never get into an argument with a dictionary?

Because they'll always have the last word.

What do you call a guy who can't get a word in edgewise during an argument?

A "moderator", apparently.

Why do mimes always lose arguments?

They don't have a say in anything!

Why shouldn't you ever have an argument with Mobius?

Because they're always so one sided!

What do you call the amount of time it takes to win an argument with a lawyer?

An attornity.

Why do vampires hate arguments?

Because they make themselves cross.

What runs forever and never dies?

An argument with a woman! And I'm in one right now.

How do you tell if you've lost an argument on Facebook?

Well first you're are in an argument on Facebook.

What do you call it when two high people get in an argument?

A pot roast.

How do you end an argument with a woman?

Tell her to calm down. You're dead now but the argument is over.

What is a misogynist?

A misogynist is anyone winning an argument with a feminist.

How to win an argument with a deaf girl?

Turn off the lights.

What phrase is a compliment in America, but an argument in the Middle East?

No, YOU the bomb.

Why can't a vegetable win an argument?

Cuz he always uses a straw, man!

What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?

The Adhomineminal Snowman

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Break Jokes More Break Jokes

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

How many mottophobics does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Who do you think broke the filament in the first place

Woman Argument Jokes More Woman Argument Jokes

What's the difference between a women's argument and a knife?

The knife has a point !

What's the difference between a woman's argument and a knife?

A knife has a point.

Liberal Jokes More Liberal Jokes

Why did the liberal go to the gynecologist?

She was feelin' the Bern!

How do you know when a liberal is really dead?

A: His heart stops bleeding.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why did Bono fall off the stage?

Because he was too close to The Edge.

Why did Satan need life alert?

Because he had fallen, and could not get back up.

Middle East Jokes More Middle East Jokes

What's the Middle East's favorite candy?

YemenHeads

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why don't we hear cannibal jokes anymore?

Because after they ate the clowns, nothing is funny.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

The p is silent.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

How many spoiled rich girls does it take... ...to change a light bulb?

Just one, she yells, "DAAAAADDY, I need a new house!"

Why is the white girl so odd?

Because she can't even. I'll be over in /r/dadjokes if you need me.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What's the difference between an Electrician and someone who's high?

The electrician knows where the ground is.

Why should you hire a drag queen to help clean your garage?

They know how to tuck away junk.