Criminal Jokes

How do you get a Criminal to stop running?

Play the national anthem

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What do you call a criminal that cant see?

A macular degenerate.

What's the difference between Superman and Super Delegate?

The first one saves people from criminals, while the latter saves criminals from the people.

Why are the police so corrupt?

Because criminals keep turning themselves into the police.

What did Mr. Freeze call himself when he joined Batman's fight against criminals?

The Dark Knightrogen

What is it called when a criminal gets excited?

A Con-Yay!

What did Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, and Nelson Mandela all have in common?

They're all criminals.

Why are crime rates down in the US?

Because criminals keep turning themselves into police.

What do you call a horse that's a criminal?

A Zebra.

What do you get when you cross Jesus and a couple of criminals?

A good Friday

Why are black crimes hard to solve?

Because they're all criminals and they look the same.

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What do you call a criminal with an STD?

A herpetrator.

Why is it expensive to be a criminal?

Because the police charge you.

What diploma do criminals get?

The third degree.

What do The Police do to catch criminals easily?

Sting operation, of course!

What criminal doesn't take baths?

A dirty crook.

Why do we keep putting criminals behind bars?

putting criminals behind bars seems like a bad idea once you consider all the alcohol they're now next to

When did the criminal get smart?

When the judge threw the book at him.

What three letters in the alphabet frighten criminals?

F.B.I.

Why did you tie a rope on that criminal?

Officer: You ordered me to get a line on the suspect.

How the hell should I know?

Let me talk to a few criminals and see who they think is scariest."

What do you call it when a criminal goes down an elevator?

A con descending.

Why are criminals so good at basketball?

They shoot first and ask questions later.

Why did the criminal get released from prison after he wrote a short essay?

He had served his sentence.

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Lower Jokes More Lower Jokes

What do you like about me?

Me: Your crippling self esteem issues have caused you to lower your standards. Her: What Me: Your eyes

How many people live in the lower part of Italy?

There are literally Sicilians.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What's the deal with reddit being obsessed about puns?

I've never... META ... group of people so obsessed with puns before.. Fine, I'll leave :(:(

What did Christian Grey say when he read reviews of his movie?

People did not like my movie. I guess I am 50 shades of letdown... But I can sure GET UP"!

Snobbish Criminal Jokes More Snobbish Criminal Jokes

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescendant con descending.

What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs?

A condescending con descending.

Superman Jokes More Superman Jokes

Which gun does Superman use?

SCAR-L

How did he die?

The rock is kyptonite and the man is superman.

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

What did the IT guy say to his wife after she complained about their love life?

Did you try turning me off and on again?"

What's black & white and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a javelin through her neck.

Condescend Jokes More Condescend Jokes

What do you call a snarky criminal going down a flight of stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What do you call a snobby criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending con desending..

Camp Jokes More Camp Jokes

Why is camping considered an intense sport?

Because it's intense

Why did the gamer refuse to join the Boy Scouts?

He hates camping

Freeze Jokes More Freeze Jokes

What did the Eskimo children sing when their principal was leaving?

Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.

Why did the blonde freeze a pot of boiling water?

Because you never know when you're going to need some boiling water.