Mosquito Jokes

What do you call Muslims at the end of their religious service?

Mosquitoes

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What do you call a crazy guy in a room full of mosquitoes?

A bit neurotic.

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?

You can't. A mosquito is a vector and the mountain climber is a scaler. Courtesy of my physics professor.

What happens when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scaler.

What do you get when you're bitten by a mosquito wearing a fedora?

M'laria

What is the difference between a fly and a mosquito?

A mosquito can "fly", but a fly can not "mosquito".

What do you get when you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

Nothing, you can't cross a vector and a scalar.

How can you tell if there's a mosquito in your bed?

By the "M" on his pajamas.

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. But I don't know how they got in there.

What do mosquitoes think of people who wear bug spray?

They are just OFF-full

What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing you can't cross a vector with a scaler.

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What do you call A Tale of Two Mosquitoes?

A bite-time story.

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a rock climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector with a scalar.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

A: A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.

What did the Russian athlete say when he was stung by a mosquito during the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro?

zika blyat

What religion do mosquitoes follow?

Muslim, because they go to a mosque...ito. Sorry.

What animal gets applauded?

The mosquito.

What do you get if you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

No one knows. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

Why are mosquitos religious ?

They prey on you !

What does mosquito say when its parents die?

shhhhhh.....it !!

What did the neckbeard say to the mosquito?

M'laria

What do you get when a mountain climber crosses a mosquito?

You can't cross a scalar and a vector.

Why did the mosquito go to the dentist ?

To improve his bite !

What fever did Joe Dirt catch on vacation after getting bit by a mosquito?

Deeeeeeeeeeengue

Why are mosquitoes annoying?

Because they get under your skin.

What do you get when you combine a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing! You can't cross scalars and vectors.

What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek?

A golden opportunity

What is a mosquito's favourite sport ?

Skin-diving !

What did one mosquito say to another when they came out of the cinema?

Fancy a bite

What do you get when you cross a mountain-climber with a mosquito?

Nothing, you can't cross a scaler with a vector.

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2...and don't ask me how they got in there. (My 87 year old grandma just told me this one)

Why is it best to be bitten quickly by one mosquito?

Because an itch in time saves nine.

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Why isn't Mexico in the Summer Olympics?

Everyone who can run, jump, and swim are already over here.

Why doesn't Mexico send a team to the Summer Olympics?

Because all the one that can run, jump, or swim are already in the US.

Muslim Jokes More Muslim Jokes

What bee is forbidden to the Muslims?

Haram-bee

What do you call a Muslim woman without a burka?

Dead.

Scratch Jokes More Scratch Jokes

What do you call the loser in a hissing scratching cat fight?

A: Claude

Why is your face all scratched ?

My girlfriend said it with flowers. How romantic. Not really she hit me round the head with a bunch of thorny roses !

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What's red like a strawberry, hard like beef jerky, smells like vinegar, and is found under your bed?

Me neither. Help.

When someone ask me... How are you?

I answer back... You mean in bed

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell when a white guy is about to tell a joke?

He glances over his shoulder.

How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Hillary and a piece of fruit?

deleted

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat?

Polyunsaturated

Why don't women wear skirts in the winter?

Ever try and peel apart a cold grilled cheese sandwich

Rio De Janeiro Jokes More Rio De Janeiro Jokes

What Pokemon would you catch in Rio De Janeiro?

Zikachu.

How are Oscar the Grouch and the Olympic Diving Pools in Rio de Janeiro similar?

They're both green, smell like farts, and will stay that way for 47 years.