Religion Jokes

What do you call a man with no religion?

Godfrey

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Why do priests like little boys?

Because it's easy to inject the seed of religion in them. Be gentle pls

What is atheism?

A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word "religion" with "set of beliefs" if you're picky about that sort of thing

What religion believes in the Big Bang?

Islam.

What's the difference between a religion and a cult?

A religion drinks wine and a cult drinks Kool-Aid.

What do you call a vegetable/fruit that dies for it's religion?

A Tomartyr

What religion is Santa?

He's egg-nog-stic

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

What do you call a Mormon who switches religion?

A mormoff!

Why did religion cross the road?

God is the answer.

What happened when the cannibal ate a minister?

He got a taste of religion.

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What religion do ghosts practice?

Boo-ddhism

How do religions reproduce?

They have sects.

Why don't churches, synagogues, mosques and temples have Wi-Fi?

Because religions don't like competing with an invisible power that actually works.

What does religion and Ikea have in common?

The stuff they have looks good but its impossible to put together. huehue

Why is Islam called the religion of peace?

After you leave the religion, you rest in peace.

What happened when the cannibal got a religion?

He only ate Catholics on Fridays!

Which religion faces the most Resistance?

Hinduism... Om......

What is the difference between a cult and a religion?

Popularity.

What religion do mosquitoes follow?

Muslim, because they go to a mosque...ito. Sorry.

Which country's capital apologises for its religion?

Islamabad.

What religion does a drinking feline believe?

Cat-holic

What did the Moderate Moslem say before hitting a guy for criticizing his religion?

It's alright, reddit'll say this had nothing to do Islam.

Which religion breeds terrorism the most?

Not Islam

What religion do Saudi Arabian cows follow?

Mooslim

What religion still believes in the Big Bang?

x-post from /r/imgoingtohellforthis Islam

What do religions and gender have in common?

You hear about a new one every day and none of them make any sense.

What do clothes and religion have in common?

Someone invented them and forced them on everyone.

What is the world's leading cause of hearing loss?

Religion.

What's the difference between a cult and a religion ?

About a couple thousand years.

Why does Islam get angry if you criticize their religion?

Im not sure they always seem to blow things up out of proportion.

What do you call 11 people on national television debatting religion?

the republican presidential candidates.

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How many Asian-American actors does it take to change a light bulb?

None - because they would all be replaced by white actors.

What's really important to a bat when they are looking for a new home?

Echo-location, location, location (Replace "bat" with "zubat" if you wish.)

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What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4?

3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)

What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?

The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

How many Sayians does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But it'll take 3 episodes, and Krillin dies.

What happens to a tapeworm after it dies?

It will be interred.

Peace Jokes More Peace Jokes

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

What were the martyr's last words?

I believe in peace in our time

Wine Jokes More Wine Jokes

Which is easier for a man to leave: the women or the Wine?

A: It depends on the age.

What does an alcoholic do when he is out of beer?

Wine

God Jokes More God Jokes

What pets think about their owners?

A dog: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... He is God. A cat: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... I am God.

How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys!

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice?

Her: What You: It breaks the ice. Hi, i'm (your name)

What happened to the tree after it caught fire?

It became entally handicapped

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russel.

What do dads never forget to include in their "dad" jokes?

PUNctuation Okay, I'll leave.