Pray Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

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Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

What is a hypocrite?

An atheist writer praying his book will sell.

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments?

Whirled Peas

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole

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What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

A: Lettuce pray

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?

They just pray the gray away

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance. Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!!

Where does the Islamic botanist go to pray?

In the Mossque.

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

What does a noodle say after praying?

Ramen

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Who doesn't?

There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

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What Do You Call an Epileptic in a Pile of Leaves?

Russell

What did one calculator say to the other when it was time for it to leave?

Aight I'll calcu-lata

Foreplay Jokes More Foreplay Jokes

What does Lenny (of Mice and Men) do during foreplay?

Heavy petting.

How do Muslims do foreplay?

They tickle the goat on the chin.

Priest Jokes More Priest Jokes

What kind of jokes does a priest tell?

Dad jokes

What do priests and christmas trees have in common?

Their balls are just for decoration.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a bird, and a bird with only one wing?

It's a matter of a pinion(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pinion).

What's the difference between a man falling from 100ft and a man falling from 10ft ?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - SMACK SMACK - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Atheist Jokes More Atheist Jokes

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness?

Someone knocking at your door for no apparent reason.

How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, they're all too busy complaining about this joke.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What did the three-legged horse do when it started to rain?

It ran to the unstable.

Why wasn't the bike starting?

Because it was 'two-tyred'.

Religion Jokes More Religion Jokes

What religion is Santa?

He's egg-nog-stic

What religion do ghosts practice?

Boo-ddhism

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What does a half-dressed Sikh wear on his head?

A subturban!

Why didn't you answer me ?

Pupil: I did I shook my head Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you !