Pray Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

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Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

What is a hypocrite?

An atheist writer praying his book will sell.

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments?

Whirled Peas

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole

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What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

A: Lettuce pray

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?

They just pray the gray away

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance. Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!!

Where does the Islamic botanist go to pray?

In the Mossque.

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

What does a noodle say after praying?

Ramen

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Who doesn't?

There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

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What do you call a man with a large flatfish on his head?

Ray!

Why can't you tell a joke to a dwarf?

Because it will go right over his head

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What's the difference between a Bull Dyke and a Bull Elephant?

about 100lbs and a flannel shirt

What is the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian?

A Ritz is a snack cracker and a lesbian is a crack snacker

Bubble Bath Jokes More Bubble Bath Jokes

What's the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bubble bath?

The girl in church has her soul full of hope...

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.

Priest Jokes More Priest Jokes

Why did the Priest cross the road?

Because he crosses everything.

What did the little boy say to the priest?

Haha, now we have AIDS

Hope Jokes More Hope Jokes

What is the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub?

Answer: One has hope in her soul the other has soap in her hole.

What you hope someone might say about you when they approach your casket?

Hey, I think he moved.

Tumblr Jokes More Tumblr Jokes

What is Tumblr's least favourite show?

NCIS

Why does the lemon feel uncomfortable making friends outside of tumblr?

Because it has cis-trust issues

Sell Jokes More Sell Jokes

What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?

McBongald's

Who did the Dyslexic Devil Worshipper sell his soul to?

Santa

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How Do You Break Up With Your Girlfriend?

www.AshleyMadison.com

When the boy broke his knee, where did he go to get a new one?

At the butcher shop, where they sell kid-knees.