Pray Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

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Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

What is a hypocrite?

An atheist writer praying his book will sell.

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments?

Whirled Peas

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole

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What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

A: Lettuce pray

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?

They just pray the gray away

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance. Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!!

Where does the Islamic botanist go to pray?

In the Mossque.

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

What does a noodle say after praying?

Ramen

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Who doesn't?

There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

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Why is Chris Christie such a successful man?

Because he is too big to fail.

Why did the atheist fail algebra?

He didn't believe in higher powers!

Vegetable Jokes More Vegetable Jokes

What vegetable likes to party?

A turn-up

What vegetable needs a plumber?

A leek.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Who wins the election?

America.

Whats the problem with tainted money?

It taint yours and it taint mine :D (Puns for the win :D)

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How do you start a rave party in Ethiopia?

Glue bread to the ceiling.

Whats the worst thing you can call a black man that starts with N and ends with R?

Neighbor

Foreplay Jokes More Foreplay Jokes

What does the Russian President's wife scream during foreplay?

Putin! Putin!

What does Lenny (of Mice and Men) do during foreplay?

Heavy petting.

Soap Jokes More Soap Jokes

What did the soap say to the hands as they were being washed?

I think we're in sink."

How did your mom know you hadn't washed your face?

I forgot to wet the soap.

Soul Jokes More Soul Jokes

Why is the food so cold and bland?

Dad: Because your mother put her heart and soul into it.

What do you call Batman without a soul?

Bn. (B "atma" n)

Tumblr User Jokes More Tumblr User Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

Why aren't Tumblr users good farm contractors?

Because they always take a fence