Blind Man Jokes

How do you spot the blind man at a nudist beach?

Well..it's not hard

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What is the worst thing anyone can do to a blind man?

Leave a plunger in the toilet!

What's a blind mans worst fear ?

A prius

What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish market?

Is this a tumblr meetup?"

What has one eye but can't see?

A blind man... I'll show myself out... TO SEE YOU BACK NEXT WEEK!!

Why did the blind man swing his seeing eye dog around by the tail?

He was taking a look around

What did the blind man say when he walked by the fish market?

Good morning ladies.

Why did the blind man use chopsticks?

Because he couldn't see the point in forks.

How did the blind man know Santa was in his house?

He felt his presents.

What did the blind man say when he walked into the fish market?

Good morniiiiiiing ladies!"

How can you recognise a blind man among a crowd of nudists?

It's not hard...

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How do you surprise a blind man?

Stick a plunger in the toilet

What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish store?

Hello, ladies"

What did the blind man say when he sipped a frozen drink and was cured?

Icee."

What's a blind mans favorite car?

A cataract

How does the blind man know when to stop wiping his arse?

I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.

Why did the blind man cross the road?

Cuz he couldn't see it (Probly already posted but I've never seen it on r/jokes before)

How did a blind man drive his car?

A: One hand on the wheel the other on the road.

What did Jesus say after he healed the blind man?

Made you look!

What did the blind man say when he picked up a cheese grater?

This is the most violent story I've ever read!

Why did the blind man walk into a wall?

Somebody shot his dog

What's the worst thing you can do to a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet

What did they say about the blind man who got hit by a bus?

He never saw it coming.

What did the blind man say to his old friend?

Ayy, long time no see!

What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison?

One can't see to go the other can't go to sea.

What did the blind man say to his estranged friend?

Long time, no see."

How many books can a blind man read?

Brailly any!

How did a blind man meet his wife?

A: On a blind date!

What did the blind man say to the blind man?

Long time no see.

What did the blind man say when he arrived at the fish market?

Hello, ladies."

What did the blind man say when he was asked what he thought about the renovation plan of his house?

I don't know.. I just don't see it.

How do you make a blind man mad?

Awwwwwww. Look at them pretty flowers.

What is the worse thing you can do to a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet!

What's a blind man doing on a boat?

Waiting for a bus.

What would the blind man say every morning when he walked past the fish market?

Good morning, ladies!"

What is the first thing a blind man says?

My eyes! My eyes!

How many blind men would it take to change a light bulb?

Why would a blind man need a light bulb?

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They're really good at it.

How many Syrians does it take to launch a missle?

Two. One to launch it, and one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

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What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

A: surname

What did the duck do after he lost his wife, his job, and his house?

He became a quack head

Crowd Jokes More Crowd Jokes

What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

How can you recognise a blind man among a crowd of nudists?

It's not hard...

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How is she?

Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical". Me: "Oh, you get used to that...".

What thought can you easily share with someone else without using words?

That you to fart.

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What do you call a guy stuck in the same job for 30 years?

A four term US senator.

Why were the children jumping for Joy?

Because Joy was stuck on the roof.

Chopstick Jokes More Chopstick Jokes

What's a Drummer's favorite food?

Anything that requires chopsticks. Ba-Dum-Tss

What do Chinese lumberjacks do?

Chopsticks

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When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up?

This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.

Why did the blind man swing his seeing eye dog around by the tail?

He was taking a look around

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What do you get if you play a country music song backwards?

You get your wife back. Your house back. Your truck back. Your dog back...

What do you call the doctor for dogs?

Dogtor