Roman Jokes

What's a pirate's favourite Roman numeral?

You might think it's II, but his true love be the C.

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Why can't Roman Reigns light a campfire?

Because he doesn't carry any matches!

Why did the Romans pay their soldiers in salt?

So they would end up with seasoned veterans.

Why should you never high-five a Roman?

They might give you Hi-V back!

What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?

Gladiator.

What did the Roman say when the Greek accused him of stealing his gods?

It was all a myth-take!

What do you call a lost legion?

A Roman army

How many Roman pirates does it take to change a light bulb?

I I

What is zero in Roman numerals?

Nothing

Why were all Roman buildings made of stone?

They crucified the carpenter.

How did the Roman cut his hair?

Caesar

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What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?

Caesars.

What do you call a Roman fighter with curly hair in his teeth?

Gladiator. (Glad he ate her)

What do you get when you ask for a Roman pinch hitter?

An Italian sub!

What did jesus say to the romans after he rose on the third day and talked about their behavior?

Yall nailed it.

What do Romans use to cut their pizza?

Little Caesars.

What did the Romans say to each other after crucifying Jesus?

Nailed it!"

Why are 490 Romans funny?

Because XD

What do you call a Roman warrior with hair in his mouth?

Gladiator Get it? Glad He Ate Her..

How did Roman magistrates keep fit?

Pontius Pilates.

What did the old Frankish barbarians say to the Roman invasion?

You don't have the to do it!"

Why was Jesus I such good shape?

Crossfit. Why did the Romans hate Jesus so much? He wouldn't shut up about crossfit.

How did the Romans split up their empire?

With a pair of Caesars. (Thanks )

What did the Roman premature ejaculater say?

Veni, Vidi, Veni.

Why was the dieting Roman so thrilled?

His toga size went from L to XL.

What was a poor Roman citizen's favorite breakfast?

Fruity Plebbles.

What's it called when a Roman sees too many flashing colors?

A Julius Seizure.

How many Romans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why did the Romans build straight roads ?

So their soldiers didn't go around the bend !

Why didn't the Romans find algebra very challenging?

Because X was always 10

What do Romans say when their wives run away?

Caesar!

What mouse was a Roman emperor ?

Julius Cheeser !

When in Rome do as the Romans you know?

Slaughters entire office and imposes grain taxes on peasantry

What do you call a Roman with pubic hair in his teeth?

Gladiator

What is it called when a Roman gets really sick?

Chicken Pox Romana

What do you call a smiling Roman with a hair in his teeth?

Gladiator.

What taste good?

Tender: I usually like rum in Diet Coke. Man: how do you get a Roman in a Diet Coke Tender: *facepalm*

Why did the roman only smoke 490 blunts and not 500?

Because XD

Why are 490 Romans are funny ?

Because XD Edit : Sorry about the typo the second are is not supposed to be here

What people travel the most?

Romans.

What is a Roman wrestlers favorite meal?

JOHN CENA

What do you call a Roman with a hair in his teeth?

Gladiator.

What Roman dictator suffered from Epilepsy?

Julius Seizure.

What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented?

Lil Caesars

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What food is bad for epileptic people?

Seizure salad

What do you call an epileptic in the garden?

Seizure salad

Nail Jokes More Nail Jokes

What do Jesus and your mom have in common?

They both got nailed all night.

How do we know Jesus wasn't good with the ladies?

He only got nailed once

Myth Jokes More Myth Jokes

What do the wage gap and the story of Hercules have in common?

They're both myths.

What do you call a myth from the middle east?

A turban legend

Salt Jokes More Salt Jokes

How much salt does Jihadi John have on his chips?

Just a Daesh.

What do you get when you mix olive oil, lemon juice, rosemary, thyme, salt, pepper and marijuana?

Cheech Marinade!

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

What's the difference between Politicians and Thieves?

Thief: They steal your money then run Politician: They run and then steal your money

Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Man: The thief was spending less than my wife. Police: Then why are you reporting it now Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

Britney Spears Jokes More Britney Spears Jokes

What do you call a British guy who throws a spear through the knee?

Britney Spears

What's the difference between Rihanna and Britney Spears?

Britney asked to be hit one more time..

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

Why did the knife quit?

It couldn't CUT IT! woohoo! I made this one up while sitting at a buffet table. Enjoy! Skip

What do you call a big, dumb, slow guy who cuts down trees?

A lumbering oaf.

Light Jokes More Light Jokes

How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: A hundred but they'll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light to the world.

How many IT support techs does it take to change a lightbulb?

have you tried turning the light off and back on?"