Split Jokes

How was Rome split in half?

With a pair of Caesars...

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you call it when stoners split a check?

High finance.

What did the duck say after it split the atom ?

Quark ! Quark !

Why was the necrophiliac depressed?

His rotten girlfriend split on him.

Why can't guys do the splits?

The banana gets in the way. Banana split

Why did the programmer's girlfriend move back home so quickly?

She returned because all he ever did was split her in the middle for log(n) time.

Why did the atoms cross the road?

It was time to split.

How did the Romans split up their empire?

With a pair of Caesars. (Thanks )

What do you do on a date with a feminist?

Split the bill.

What did Star Trek teach millions of kids?

To boldly split infinitives!

What do you get when you combine an elephant and a poodle?

A dead poodle, split in half.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did the bowler bring two pairs of pants?

He wanted a spare in case he had a split.

Why don't you go down on a girl in the morning?

Have you ever tried to split a grilled cheese

What do you need to split a photon?

A lightsabre

Where did Czechslovakia split up?

At the Czech-out line.

How do you split $6 between 5 mexicans?

You cut *Juan* out.

Why should you never date an atom?

The split is gonna be explosive

Why did the pig wear yellow coveralls?

He split a seam in his blue ones.

Why did the atom stick around?

Cuz if he split, the situation would have gotten blown out of proportion.

Who's there ! Banana ! Banana who ?

Banana split so ice creamed !

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Middle Jokes More Middle Jokes

What's high in the middle and round on both ends?

Ohio.

What takes longer to run, first to second, or second to third?

Second to third, because there's a short stop in the middle!

Check Jokes More Check Jokes

How does Stevie Wonder check Facebook?

With his EyePhone

How do you tell a boy chromosome from a girl chromosome?

Check their jeans.

French Jokes More French Jokes

Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee?

Cause they hate the French press

How do the French defend a city?

We don't know, they've never tried it.

Atom Jokes More Atom Jokes

Why was the atom laughing?

Because part tickles.

What did the atom say to the other atom?

Let's bond!

Quark Jokes More Quark Jokes

What did the astrophysicist say to the quark?

You matter.

Why didn't the physicist like his cheesecake?

Because the quark had a strange flavour

Football Coach Jokes More Football Coach Jokes

Why did the football coach call his quarterback a hairdresser?

Because he missed a split-end on a curl.

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

I want my quarter back!

Duck Jokes More Duck Jokes

Why your fingers have spaces in between?

nothing!why? would you like it to be very close to each other. You're not a duck!

What do you get when you cross Christmas and a Duck?

A Christmas-Quacker!

High Finance Jokes More High Finance Jokes

What do you call a stoner balancing his checkbook?

High finance!

What do you call it when stoners split a check?

High finance.