Universe Jokes

What does Gordon program in?

FLASH... AAAHHHHHHHH. Its the language of the universe...

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What's the biggest lie of the Universe?

I Have Read and Agree to the Terms of Service."

Which place has the strongest gravity in the whole universe?

Bed

What's the most obvious slang word in the Star Wars universe?

Yo, duh.

How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two! one to change the light bulb and the other to rotate the universe!

Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?

Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.

How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold it in place, another to rotate the universe around it.

How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

How do you know the universe likes Saturn?

It put a ring on it.

What's the smallest thing in the universe?

A pebble caught between the wrinkle of a flea's ball.

Why is the universe expanding?

It needs more space.

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What is the chance we are alone in the universe?

Professor: Astronomical.

Why does the universe expand?

All the Milky Ways. You get it.

How does the universe throw a party?

They planet.

Why did Steve Harvey announce Miss Colombia as the Miss Universe winner?

Because he couldn't pronounce Miss Philippines.

Why is the Force like duct tape?

It has a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together.

Where did the universe attend college?

At the university.

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Gordon Jokes More Gordon Jokes

What if it's daytime?

Batman: *glares at Robin* Gordon: Yeah, what if it- Batman: *smoke bomb*

Why didn't Gordon Ramsay like the Girl Scout cream pies?

He found a hair in one.

Flash Jokes More Flash Jokes

What did Wonder Woman tell The Flash when he saw that he was greying?

I still find you dashing"

What goes Vroom!..screech..Vroom!..screech?

A blonde at a flashing red light.

Program Jokes More Program Jokes

How did AL Gore program his computer?

With the proper al-gor-ithms

What language do eagles program in?

C#(https://np.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/3tp03o/incanadawehavesomenicefalcons/cx8608n)

Kentucky Jokes More Kentucky Jokes

How can you tell that the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?

Because it is not called a teethbrush.

What do you get when you line up 12 girls from Kentucky?

A full set of teeth.

Cheerleader Jokes More Cheerleader Jokes

What color is a cheerleader?

A: Yeller.

What do you call 2 Nuns & a Cheerleader?

2 Tightends & a Wide Reciever

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What's the difference between America and Saudi Arabia?

You don't need a computer to play minesweeper in Saudi Arabia. (I'm not sorry)

Why don't women need umbrellas?

Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

How are women and computers the same?

Neither take your 3.5 inch floppy anymore.. unless you pay extra.

Why do Canadians not pay attention to their local wildlife?

Because there's nothing to care-aboot. (caribou)

Marvel Jokes More Marvel Jokes

Why was Nikola Tesla a fan of Marvel?

Because he didn't like DC...

Why is a bad government like a bikini?

Because people marvel at what's holding it up. And they wish it would fall.