Bank Jokes

Why is a river really rich?

Its got two banks.

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Why did the football coach return to the bank?

To get his quarterback.

What do you call a midget psychic that just robbed a bank?

Small medium at large

Why does Bank of America not have a backspace on the ATM keypad?

Because America is never wrong.

What's the difference between a man who owns a gun and a man who owns a bank?

A man with a gun can rob a bank. A man with a bank can rob the world. (Disclaimer: reword of someone else's post to FB today.)

What does a bunny do to a bank?

Rabbit

What do you call ice cream that robs a bank?

Heist cream Got to give credit to my friend, who sadly dosent have reddit.

What belongs in the bank and doesn't exist?

My tax refund.

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback!!

Why did I rob the bank?

For Fundsies! I made that one up yesterday so I really hope nobody has heard it before.

Why did the football go to the bank?

to get is quarterback.

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Why is it a good idea to put your money in the freezer, instead of the bank?

So you always have access to cold hard cash...

Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt" ?

Because it rhymes with Bank Manager

What did Michael Jackson say at the bank?

Make that change"

Who is the richest person in the Bible?

The Pharao's daughter. She went to the bank of the Nile to pick up a little prophet.

Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank?

A polterheist.

Why wasn't the fella able to get out when he fell in the river?

Cause it was on a Sunday and the banks were closed

Where does a river keep it's money?

At the bank.

What happened when a heart robs a bank?

It gets put under cardiac arrest.

What bank do birds open accounts with?

The one with the most branches!

Why can't you keep secrets in a bank?

Because of all the tellers.

What do banks and the US government have in common?

They both deal with checks and balances.

Why did the schoolteacher who was in love with head of the school take out a loan with the bank?

A: Because she had an interest in the principal.

What did the tree do when the bank closed?

It started its own branch

Why did the baker rob the bank?

He needed the dough.

Why couldn't the giraffe get a job at the bank?

They weren't hiring.

Why do you want to work in a bank Alan?

Fred: 'Cuz there's money in it sir.

What did the getaway driver do after his accomplice, Rice, robbed the bank?

Pilaf.

What do you call an obese psychic that works at a bank?

A four chin teller

Why was the robber bionic?

He was holding up a bank.

Who robs banks and squirts ink?

Billy the Squid.

What do you call a psychic midget that just robbed a bank?

Small medium at large

Why does the addict avoid going to the bank?

Because he suffers from cash withdrawals.

Why did the football player go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.

Who's there ! Andrew ! Andrew who ?

Andrew all her money out of the bank !

Which is the only bank that drug tests all of its employees?

PNC

Who's there ! Checkmate ! Checkmate who ?

Checkmate bounce if you don't have money in the bank !

How do you expect us to loan you money if you can't prove to us that you don't need it?

Banks

Why couldn't the teller comprehend the bank robber?

He was bad at stickup lines.

What's the name of your former bank?

I said, "Piggy"

Why did the janitor get fired from the bank?

Because he cleaned out the vault.

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How's your meal?

i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table

What did Jaws call his solo banking firm?

Loan shark.

Function Jokes More Function Jokes

What do you call a mathematician who drinks too much?

A functioning alcoholic.

Why did x and y break up?

They couldn't function together.

Atm Jokes More Atm Jokes

What's the best machine to impress women at the gym?

The ATM

What do a Feminist and a Broken ATM have in Common?

They both can't make any change

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

What do you get when you cross Gnomes and Worgen??

Micro-Worgenisms! (From my Bizzard support ticket response today.)

Rob Jokes More Rob Jokes

What if Rob Lowe robbed Lowes?

Just imagine the crazy headlines. They'd probably say something like... "Rob Lowe Robs Lowes"

Why do people never see an Apple store getting robbed?

It doesn't have windows.

Small Medium Jokes More Small Medium Jokes

What do you call it when a psychic midget escape from prison?

A small medium at large

What do you call a clairvoyant dwarf that recently broke out of prison?

A small medium at large. (One of my sister's favourites)

Post Jokes More Post Jokes

What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?

Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.

What do you call a midget fortune-teller who's on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.** (Hope this doesn't get posted often)

Lack Jokes More Lack Jokes

Why did the air freshener company go out of business?

Because they lacked common scents...

What is the difference between a feminist and a machist?

The second lacks the hypocrisy of the first.