Chinese Jokes

What do you call a Chinese millionare?

Ching-Ching.

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Why don't Chinese people roll 12lb balls down wooden lanes to knock over pins?

Because to them it's boring.

What do you call 3 Puerto Ricans, 1 Chinese Man, and 4 black guys?

A water sprinkler.

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with Chinese food?

Hop suey!

What did the Chinese cowboy say?

Nii haw!

How do you make the best Americanized Chinese food?

Like Tso.

How many of you believe in psychokinesis?

Raise my hand. - Taken from local Chinese joint fortune cookie.

How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh?

It weighs *Won-ton*

What would happen if all Chinese people jumped off a chair, all at the same time?

I don't know either, but you would need a reeeally big chair!

What do you call a dirty Chinese crab?

A crusty asian

How do the Chinese vote?

With their erections.

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Why don't the Chinese have casinos?

Because they don't like Tibet

Why did the Chinese chicken cross the road?

The eggrolled

Why do Asian people never seem to age?

I met a chinese girl today & I estimate her age to be somewhere between 4 & 197.

What do chinese people do when they have an erection?

they vote

What does a Chinese bear fry eggs in?

A pan, duh!

How do you know if a Chinese man has robbed your house?

Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and two hours later, he's still trying to back out of your driveway.

Why do Chinese workers work so hard?

Because their companies are always short-staffed.

Why do Chinese people love NY?

Because they heard we sell hotdogs for $0.75 each.

How many Chinese workers does it take to make a Smartphone?

I dunno. Ask the kids.

What do you call a Chinese man with a bad internet connection?

Hi Ping

What do you call a chinese Jehovah's witness?

Ding Dong

What is Captain Picard's favorite Chinese takeout ?

Make it Tso!

What do you call a chinese poker face?

A mahjong face

How does the average Chinese worker find a new job?

ChinkedIn.

How heavy is a Chinese dumpling?

Wonton.

What do Asians meeting up at their favorite Chinese take-out say?

Where my dogs at "

What does Korean food taste like?

Chinese food.

What do you call a Chinese man with a bad sense of direction?

Wong Wei

Where do Chinese people find work?

On ChinkedIn of course. (I know the pun is racist but I had to share. Sorry.)

What do you call a Chinese orange?

A Mandarin

How does a Chinese family name their children?

They throw 3-9 pots and pans down a flight of stairs.

What sound does a Chinese doorbell make?

Ching Chong

What do you call a fake Chinese iPhone?

A slanted-iPhone

What's a let down Chinese lobster called?

A crushed asian

Why cant you make fun of Chinese people?

Because its just wong

What does a Chinese restaurant serve for Easter?

Coloured eggrolls!

What do you get when you cross and Chinese and a Mexican man?

A: A car thief who can't drive!

Why couldn't the Chinese geologist find a date?

He was vehemently opposed to wrong rocks on the beach.

What did the Chinese man say when he found out his mother died?

I can't bereave it!

Why didn't King Kong go to Hong Kong?

He didn't like Chinese food.

Where do Chinese people live?

Chinatown

What did the Chinese man say when ophthalmologist told him he had a cataract?

No, I have a Rincoln Continental!*

How does a Chinese cat say hello?

Mi Hao.

Why do Chinese warriors die so easily in battle?

No matter how much protective garments they wear, there's still a chink in the armor.

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Town Jokes More Town Jokes

What do communists do on May Day?

Paint the town red.

How do you drive a Unitarian out of town?

Burn a question mark on their front lawn.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Why did Fonzie stop sleeping around?

He got AIIIIIDS.

How do you stop ISIS?

Leave some milk in the sun for a few days.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog ?

An animal that barks at low flying aircraft !

What did Patrick Stewart say when he was given a tortoise for his birthday?

Please, take it back. I don't like getting attached to animals. Especially when they only live 100 years.

Lobster Jokes More Lobster Jokes

What's the difference between a lobster and an oriental woman run over by a steamroller?

One's a crustacean and the other a crushed Asian.

What's worse than finding a lobster on your piano?

Finding crabs on your organ.

German Jokes More German Jokes

Why did the German baker claim on his insurance at Christmas?

Because his bread was stollen!!!

Why couldn't the woman date a German man?

Because she was Klaustrophobic!

Stop Bereave Jokes More Stop Bereave Jokes

What song did Kim Jong Il request be played at his funeral?

Journey - Don't Stop Bereaving.

Why was the Chinese Journey cover band a failure?

Their only hit was Don't Stop Bereaving.

Duck Jokes More Duck Jokes

How do you get down off of an elephant?

You don't, you get down off of a duck.

Why did the duck cross the road?

To get some quack

Price Jokes More Price Jokes

Why are promise rings 1/10th the price of engagement rings?

They only work 10% of the time.

Why was the gourmet upset when he saw the menu?

The prices were gastronomical... (I'll show myself out...)