German Jokes

He wasn't Italian, because he carried work tools, he wasn't Austrian, since he had some brains, he might have been Swiss, since he was outrun by a glacier, but most probably he was a German, because nobody else ever walks in sandals in the mountains.

What's in Heaven and Hell?

In Heaven, the cops are British, the engineers are German, the lovers are French, the cooks are Italian and the whole thing is managed by the Swiss In Hell, the cops are German, the engineers are French, the lovers are Swiss, the cooks are British and the whole thing is managed by the Italians

What's the name of that German guy that keeps hiding my stuff around the house?

Alzheimer, Grandma.

What did the cowboy say as he walked into a German car garage?

Audi

Why did microsoft go straight to windows 10 ?

They were trying to keep their german market.

What does a German say when you finally explain a funny meme to him?

Danke

Why did the Germans bail the Greeks out?

Because they took Pita on them

What do you say when German secret police is bugging you?

geSTAHPo!

What do you call a German taking a shower?

A Showerkraut.

How many of my fellow Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one of course, as we are highly efficient and have absolutely no sense of humour.

What do you call a German who is up themselves?

A deutsche-bag

Why is the Champs-lyses lined with trees?

So the Germans can march in the shade.

How do you say no in German?

Square root of 81

What's the difference between a German and a Virgin?

one one appreciates good head

Why does the German dad scare all the other kids?

Because he is ein Brtiger! The shirt should say it all. And I'm considering getting one.

How do German bread greet each other?

Gluten tag!

What did one German baker say to the other?

Glutentag!

Why does a German always have the last laugh?

He has to wait for the verb.

What do Germans say when you show them a meme?

Danke.

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one. They are very efficient and don't have much of a sense of humor.

What did the Germans name the Israeli Submarine?

Das Jude

How many contradictory Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Nein.

How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?

They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving

How many Germans do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

One. We're efficient not funny!

What do you call a German outkast?

Hey, ja!

What is a German's favorite Pokemon?

NEINtales

Who pays for the drinks?

The German!

Where did the frog say his family came from?

They are German and a tad-Polish"

What do you tell someone from Moscow if he's in a hurry?

Q: What do you tell someone from Moscow who is in a hurry? A: Quit Russian. Q: What do you call a Mexican pessimist? A: A Mexican't Q: What do you call a German who is urinating in an alley? A: A you're a peein'. Q: What does an Asian person have if their leg joints are socially awkward? A: Shy knees. Q: What is a Parisian country cover band's favorite song to play? A: "I've got France in low places."

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German Jokes

What did the American WWI vet say to the angry German veteran?

What do you call an angry German?

How do Germans tie their shoelaces?

Why did the German girl count to three, then cry?

How does a Japanese person distinguish between a German and an extraterrestrial?

What happened to the German man's luggage?

How do you say Vaseline in German?

Why don't Germans like humour?

How do you say constipated in german?

How do you say car troubles in German?

How many Germans does it take to tile a bathroom?

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

How does a german get to the airport?

How do you guys think the Germans will do in the Olympics this year?

What do Germans and acetone have in common?

What's the best way to stop a German train?

How german are you on a scale on 1-10?

How many Germans does it take to make a negative?

What's the German super hero called?

What do Germans look at on the internet?

What's a Korean's favourite take on a traditional British meal?

What is a German's favorite number?

Why there are so many avenues in France?

What did the German physicist call his beer mug?

What do you call a German with no good inside?

Why are germans so bad at marathons?

Why don't Germans compete in marathons?

What do a WW2 German Soldier and an Animal Doctor have in common?

What do you call a group of blind German kids?

What do you call a German barber?

What do they say for jokes about German sausages?

What does a German call a party without Sausage and Cheese?

How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What do you call a constipated German?

Whats a mile long and has a thousand arms?

How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

How do you call sons of australians and germans?

What do you call the German word for Vaseline?

What do you call a german that does the exact opposite of what he says to do?

Why did the German get their tailor and their barber mixed up?

What did the German clock maker say to the broken clock?

Why Are Germans Buried 20 Feet Underground?

What's a german's favourite number?

What did the critic think of German food?

What did the balding German frau exclaim when her husband left her?

Why were the German tomatoes drunk?

Why are the streets in Paris lined with trees?

How many germans does it take to change a lightbulp?

What Nationality was Otzi the Caveman?