Love Jokes

What is the name of the martial arts discipline that the anime girl that you are in love with practices?

Wai fu.

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How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways... Five.

Why does Calvin Harris like reading fairy tales?

He loves a good happy ending

Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?

Because you always heart the one you love.

Why don't tennis players ever get married?

Because love means nothing to them.

What's one thing you hated as a kid but love as an adult?

Molestation.

What did the butcher say to the cow?

I love you for your inner beauty.

What's the difference between like, love and lust?

Spit Swallow Gargle

What tattoo should I get?

TATTOO ARTIST: Something meaningful that represents love and connection. ME: One ravioli on my thigh please.

Where did I get my scarf?

It's a CVS receipt. You love it Oh thank you very much.

How do you know if someone truly loves fast food?

It has a special place in their hearts

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What did the Jamaican man say when asked why he didn't mind going to jail for stealing the Pikachu card?

I love the pokey, mon.

Why do hipsters love Harrison Ford?

Because he's Indie!

Why did you lead me on a five-state chase?

Driver: I love to travel.

What would you get if you crossed a monster with the god of love?

A stupid Cupid!

Who loves hamburgers French fries and ants?

Ronald MacAardvark!

What is your location?

Me: And you're to blame 911: Pardon Me: You give love a bad name 911: I'm hanging up

What do calculators do when they love each other?

They multiply!

Why do tennis players never get married?

Because Love means nothing to them.

What does a necrophiliac say to confess his love for someone?

You're dead to me"

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest... ... and an e-cigarette-puffing GI Joe Action Figure collector?

Well, one is a toy-loving vapist...

What type of monster really loves dance music?

A: The boogieman.

How do you know your boyfriend loves you?

SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters with lots of hogs and kisses.

What do you call an "Asian" that loves using moisturizer?

Laotian.

Why are your eyes dilated?

Me: "Your eyes dilate up to 45% when you look at something you love" Mom: "What were you looking at " Me: "Memes"

How are monster trucks made?

ME: Son, when a monster and a truck love each oth- GF: glares ME: He's old enough for the facts, Jane

Why did everyone love the fisherman?

He was a real catch

What do geeks and nerds love but cant have?

80085

Why do orphans play tennis?

It's the only way they can get love.

What's black and white . . . What's black and white and loves kids?

Michael Jackson

Why does all of Jared Fogle's music sound the same?

Because he loves to abuse A Minor.

Finally realized why my plant sits around doing nothing all day...

He loves his pot.

Lady: How do I spread love in this cruel world?

Random Dude: [...💘]

What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?

A stega-snore-us.

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Japanese Food Jokes More Japanese Food Jokes

How do you know Jesus loves Japanese food?

Because he said he loves miso.

Why does Jesus like Japanese food?

Because he loves miso

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What did one vampire say to the other vampire?

Is that you coffin

What would Marilyn Monroe being doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the lid of her coffin.

Hide Jokes More Hide Jokes

Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?

Because he was always spotted.

Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear?

To hide his booty.

Socrate Jokes More Socrate Jokes

What gym did Socrates go to?

The Y.

What do you call a philosopher that kind of wants to play soccer?

Socrates

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

When Lil John goes to a hotel and they ask him if he wants turn down service, does he refuse?

That's all.

What does Batman ask when he enters a butcher shop?

Gotham?

Question Jokes More Question Jokes

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

Why can't you ever answer any of my questions?

Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!

Dig Jokes More Dig Jokes

How do you know ancient Egyptians were black?

Because they never dig up daddies.

What do you call a dog who digs up dinosaur bones?

A Barkaeologist.

Blow Jokes More Blow Jokes

What do you hear when a sheep blows up?

Sis boom baa Carnac

What do terrorists and the American government have in common?

They both blow up people who don't agree with them.