Love Jokes

Who sings "Love me tender" and makes Christmas toys?

Santa's little Elvis.

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Who does a ghoul fall in love with?

His ghoul friend.

Who should get the cat?

I don't know...let's see who he loves the most" 3 weeks later Can you tell "Nope"

What do you call an astronaut who loves himself?

A NASAccist!

What kind of fish loves to fix instruments?

A tuna.

Why do pirates prefer black women?

They love booty.

What do you call a Parrot that loves maths and hates food?

a polynomeal

Why do gingers love driving Kias?

It's the only way they can own a soul.

Why do women love Jordan Spieth?

Because he came second.

What did the wife say as she left her Mexican husband?

I'm sorry but I love another Juan.

Why do Americans deep fry so much food?

A. They love OIL

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Why don't tennis players get married?

Because to them love means nothing.

What do you do when you love a hotel?

You Mariott

What's the funniest joke you've heard that can be told to a 5th grader?

I always loved this one: (works better said out loud of course) What do you call a fish with no eyes ... A FSHHH

What do you call a ghost that loves soccer?

Ghoooooooooooooouuull!

Which football team loves ice-cream?

Aston Vanilla!

What dog loves to take bubble baths ?

A shampoodle !

What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?

It made him wed his plants!

Why do waitresses love serving men in fedoras?

If you're nice to them, their tipping intensifies.

What do you call the hot tub that two folks just made love in?

H2OOOHHHGG

Why did the chicken love Campbell's Soup?

Because his family had stock in the company.

Why do Apes love to go to school in bad neighbourhoods?

They like any jungle - even a blackboard jungle!

What happened when a man fell in love with a grand piano?

He said "Darling you've got lovely teeth."

Why won't Arnold Schwarzenegger upgrade to windows 10?

Because : he still loves vista,baby!

Why does everybody love honey?

Because it never gets old.

What's the difference between love, pure love and excessive love?

Blowing Swallowing Gargeling

Why does everyone love when a ghost goes to a party?

Because he always brings the boos

What did the plant say to the runaway melons in love?

You cantelope!

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

Why does Daniel love white vans?

Because he likes candy... *I'll walk myself out*

What do you call a Jihadist that loves turkey?

A Tryptophanatic.

Why do orphans like tennis?

Only place they can get love

Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with ?

The girl necks door.

What's a cow's favourite love song?

When I fall in love it will be for heifer.

Why do Canadians love Syrian Refugees?

more moslem guys who can convert canadian girls to islam. What a deal!

Why does Jared love 6-inch subs?

He doesn't, he likes 14-year old girls

What kind of music do phones love to hear?

A symphony

What happens when two smurfs are in love?

They smuck

How do you know ancient Egyptians loved books so much?

Because they built their stuff with reads!

What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long has a head on it and that women love so much that they often blow it?

A: a $20 bill

Where do chicken strips find love?

Chicken tinder Thank you, to Popeye's Louisiana Kitchen's official Instagram for this gem

Why did the fish sink?

This joke composed by my seriously autistic friend Neil, who LOVES jokes) Because it was a brick.

Why did everyone love the mushroom at the party?

He was a fungi.

Which burgers love to act?

Ham-burgers!

Why does Jay Z love Christmas?

Because he's the best wrapper alive.

Why Do Women Love Jesus?

He was well hung and super into cross fitting!

When someone says something was made with "love" what exactly does that mean?

Did they jerk one off into the center of my cupcake

Why did the man with an electric car think he had a dual exhaust?

He drank a lot of beer. He ate a lot of beans. *You love it.*

What's 6" long and women love it?

100$ bill.

What country do cows love to visit?

Moo Zealand!

Why do Chinese people love NY?

Because they heard we sell hotdogs for $0.75 each.

Why do men like love at first site?

A. It saves them a lot of time.

Why was "what is love" played at a funeral?

Because he had a will, and he haddaway.

Why are there so many women archeologists?

Because they love digging up the past.

Why do all the ladies love Jesus?

spreads out arms to fullest length) Because he was hung like this.

What's the difference between an 18yo and a washing machine?

You can dump your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you round for two weeks telling you it loves you

Who's there ! Baby ! Baby who ?

Baby love my baby love.... !

What did the zit say to the other zit while they were making love?

Yeah you like that you dirty pore

Why did the table love playing volleyball?

Because it was always getting set! I think she gets it from her mother.

Why do cats love small spaces?

cause pussies gotta be tight

This joke may have profanity.

Why did Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia never get together?

Because Luke was looking for love in Alderaan places!!

When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?

Yes, son. Love is terrible. "No Mom, I said LAVA." Oh. You maybe can survive that one.

When pianists fall in love what is their favourite position ?

the four hands (you dirty minds)

What's the difference between love and hate?

A) Usually about 6 months.

What'll it be, love?

The woman replies, "I'll take a double entendre." So he gave it to her.

Why do you love your puppy more than you love your wife?

Because the puppy only knows the tricks you taught her

What do farts and children have in common?

You love your own, but hate everyone else's.

Why German Loves Americans why do Germans love Americans?

because Americans are the most hated people in the world now.

Why did the lonely man work on his days off?

X-post /r/dadjokes) He loved the company.

What Video Game do feminists LOVE to play?

No MAN'S sky!

What do you love most my natural beauty or my body?

Wife: Your sense of humor.

How much do you love me?

Count the stars in the sky and that's how much I love you "But it's so cloudy" *pats her on the head* Yeah I know

Why couldn't Princess Leia find love?

She was looking in Alderaan places.

What did the dyslexic kid say to his parents at Christmas?

I love Satan

What's six inches long that women love?

Folding money.

Why does Reddit love Ronda Rousey so much?

she hits women

Why could Luke and Leia never be together?

They went looking for love in Alderaan places.

How can you tell if someone loves bacon?

Don't worry, they'll tell you that stupid vegan joke.

Why are pirates never scared of a storm?

Because they love torrents.

What type of music do astronauts love?

Neptunes!

How does a blonde turn on the light after making love?

Opens the car door.

Why did the girl walk past her crush twice?

He didn't believe in love at first sight.

What is Asia's favourite sitcom?

Everybody loves Ramen.

Why did the blonde make love in the microwave?

A: She wanted to have a baby in 9 minutes.

How do we know burgers love young people?

They're pro-teen!

How do you get herpes of the eye ball?

Looking for love in all the wrong places.

Why is DJ Khaled so good at music?

He loves major keys.

Who's there ! Candace ! Candace who ?

Candace with love !

Why did the melon get married in a church?

Because he was in love with a cantaloupe.

What flower loves to be in the sun?

Sunflower.

What was the problem?

ME: The packing implied that there would be a family that loves me inside the tent

What did Casper say to his girlfriend?

I love you, boo!!

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

What's the bird of love?

The Swallow.

What famous painting do cows love to look at?

The Moona Lisa!

Why does everyone love cats?

A: They're purr-fect!

What did you hear about the tree who was in love?

He pined everyday.

What do you call an affectionate rabbit?

A tender loving hare.

Why do demons love apostrophes?

They show possession.

How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife?

Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.

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