Porpoise Jokes

He had a ruff week.. His life wasn't purrfect. His brother was a shellout. His mother's been a real crab lately. His family was really shellfish. He had no porpoise in life.

What did the nihilistic sea world trainer say to his boss?

There is no porpoise."

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

A: I didn't do it on porpoise.

Why couldn't the dolphin choose a career?

She had no sense of porpoise.

What do Plains Native Americans have in common with moderately sized sea dwelling mammals?

For all in tents and porpoises, they're constantly moving.

Why did the marine biologist jump off a bridge?

He lost his porpoise in life.

What did the depressed dolphin say?

I need a porpoise.

What's the big deal?

It's not like I did it on porpoise!

Why was the dolphin keeper depressed?

Because he had no porpoise.

What did the dolphin king say at the funeral of his faithful servant?

You have served your porpoise.

How do Dolphins live their lives?

With a porpoise.

What did the dolphin say to the other dolphin after he splashed him?

Hey! You did that on porpoise!"

What kinds of stories do dolphins tell around the campfire?

They're just ghost stories for all in tents and porpoises.

What's the problem with your marriage?

WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

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Home Jokes More Home Jokes

Why are u home so early?

Hubby : "My boss said go to hell!"

What do you call a black guy wearing an ankle bracelet?

A stay at home dad

Brother Jokes More Brother Jokes

Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december?

The specific ocean.

How do I tell them apart?

Her brother has a moustache.

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

How much credibility is there in that whole "you can punch yourself handsome" theory?

Asking for a friend.

What do you call the family members of the Force?

Force-kin My friend made this up today while talking about Star Wars.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What did Obi-wan say to Luke at the Chinese restaurant?

Use the fork, Luke.

What happens when Lucy starts using 100% of her brain?

She's almost as smart as a man.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do you think of Dracula films?

Fangtastic!

What happens when you throw a black rock into the Red Sea?

I originally thought that the black rock gets wet, but it was brought to my attention that the Red Sea is in the middle east, so it prob'ly starts a holy war!

Existential Crisis Jokes More Existential Crisis Jokes

Why did the aquarium have an existential crisis when the dolphins were released to the wild?

It lost its porpoise.

What do you call a mouse named Bob who's having an existential crisis?

Bob.

Trouble Jokes More Trouble Jokes

What does DMX say when he has trouble putting on a hoodie?

WHERE DA HOOD WHERE DA HOOD WHERE DA HOOD AT?

Why was the Boy having trouble finding power in the Cul-de-sac?

There was no outlet

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

How is a Mac like a Queen's guard?

They're both run by Unix.

What's the difference between a race car and a woman?

One costs a lot of money to maintain, keep running, and give you the results you want. The other has four wheels.