Church Jokes

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What do you call it when Batman skips church..?

Christian Bale.

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Why do chickens go to church?

To get to the other side

What's it called when Batman walks out of church?

Christian Bale Hah

What's the difference between a church and a mosque?

In a church you see pew, pew pew. In a mosque you hear pew pew pew.

What happened to the guy who farted in church?

He sat in his own pew.

How does Seth Macfarlane wishes you Eid Mubarrak?

Keep it in church, guys.

What do you call a bundle of hay in a church?

Christian Bale.

Why do you need to take notes during jokes?

Joke was supposed to be this: Why do you need to take notes during church? because the peoples of noah's day, "took no note".

Why did the melons get married in a church?

Because they cantaloupe.

What is the difference between a girl in a church, and a girl in a bathtub?

The girl in the church has hope in her soul, and the girl In the bathtub has soap in her hole.

Why won't you ever see an ant walk in a church?

They're insects. I'll show myself out.

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Why aren't ants going to church?

Because they are in sects.

Why do Storm Troopers like churchs?

Cuz of all the pews. I hate myself

Why is it forbidden for ants to go in a church?

They are in-sects

What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables?

Lettuce pray.

What does it sound like when two churches fight?

Pew Pew PEWPEWPEW!!!

Why don't ants go to church?

Because they are insects.

What do you call a Batman that leaves church before its over?

A Christian Bale

What do you call a 10 ten old Irish boy who doesn't go to church?

A virgin

Where did the amino acid go to church?

The cysteine chapel.

What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

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Why do people say amen instead of awomen at church?

Because they sing hymns, not hers.

Why did the dolphin go to church?

He was looking for a porpoise. (thought this one up but I doubt I was the first one that did.)

Why is it never hot in churches?

Because it's prayer conditioned. I'll leave now....

What's the difference between a woman coming out of church and a woman taking a bath?

The woman coming out of church as hope in her soul!

What does Mortal Kombat and a church in Helsinki have in common?

Finnish Hymn!

What is the difference between a blonde in a church and a blonde in the bath tub?

One has hope in her soul...

Why did Mike Tyson bring his calculator to church?

He was invited to thunday math.

What does a blind person read in church?

Holy Braille

What is the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bathtub?

The girl in church has hope in her soul

Why don't churches, synagogues, mosques and temples have Wi-Fi?

Because religions don't like competing with an invisible power that actually works.

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What's the diffrence between a girl in a church and a girl in a bath?

The girl in a church has a soul full of hope and the girl in a bath has, well... EDIT: better structure.

Whats the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub?

One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.

What is the difference between a church and a cult?

Their Punch.

What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bath?

One has hope in her soul...

What's the difference between a church bell & a church?

A church bell peals from the steeple.

Why did batman leave church?

Because Christian Baled

How do you know when you're at a hillbilly wedding?

A: Everyone is sitting on the same side of the church.

Why will Church's chicken be losing money?

Because I don't see black people going to church's anytime soon

What do you call a whirlpool in a church?

Holy water!

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

What's the difference between a lady in church and a lady in a bathtub?

The lady in church has hope in her soul.

What is the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub?

Answer: One has hope in her soul the other has soap in her hole.

What do you call a hypocritical member of the church of Latter Day Saints?

an oxy-mormon. or, all of them.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

Why did the duck get kicked out of church?

Because he was using fowl language!

Why do you never see a church with free Wi-Fi?

Because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

Why did that guy shoot up the church in South Carolina?

He thought it was the white thing to do.

What do you call it when a woman of the church goes on a secret mission?

Nun of your business

What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub?

The woman in church has hope in her soul... The woman In the bathtub has soap in her hole.

Why did the atheist go to church?

To use the Pokestop.

Why did the dog go into the church?

The doors were open.

What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?

In a casino, you really mean it.

Why are there so many old people in Church?

They're cramming for the final.

What's worse than a white guy walking into a church andshooting 9 black people?

He let the others get away... I feel I'll be downvoted to hell for this...

What's the difference between a woman in a bathtub and a woman in a church?

The woman in church has hope in her soul.

What's the difference between a church bell &amp a church?

A church bell peals from the steeple.

How is God just like a regular man?

If you're not on your knees, he's not interested and you know what they say, abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.

Where do Tie Fighters sit in church?

In the *pew*.

What kind of church does a triangle attend?

Anglican.

What church do hypocrites belong to?

All of them.

What do Canadians say after a prayer in church?

Eh-men

Why do churches ban Wifi Networks?

Because they don't want to compete with an invisible connection that actually works.

What do you call a Batman that leaves church early?

A Christian bail

What's the difference between a woman in the bath and a woman at church?

Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

Why don't bees go to church?

Because they are in sects.

What did the fireman say when the church caught on fire?

Holy smoke!"

Why do you never see any bugs in a church?

Because they are in sects.

What did the decorators say when they went to church?

Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

What did the priest say about consorting with the sisters of the church?

Nun is better!

Why Didn't Batman Go To Church?

Because of Christian Bail

What do churches and guns have in common?

They both go PEW PEW PEW

What's the difference between snow tires and slaves?

Slaves sing when chains are put on them. PS - im going to church today to beg for forgiveness

What Happens when you fart in church?

You sit in your own pew

What did the priest use to forgive the sinners that shot up his church?

A holey bible. And, yet, it still made more sense than Scientology.

Why dont't feminists go to church?

They can't stand saying "amen"

Why did the skeleton burp in the church ?

He didn't have the guts to fart

What do you call a pregnant nun who cycles to church everyday?

No seriously, a friend asked me this and I didn't know.

What do flies do at church?

Flyspray

What do you call a book club that hasn't changed their book in a thousand years?

Church

Why do the say "Amen" in church but not "Awoman?

Because they sing hymns, not hers!*

How do you know you're at a redneck wedding?

Everybody is sitting on the same side of the church

Why didn't John Travolta go to church on Sunday?

He had a Saturday Night Fever

What do you call a tweaker (meth addict) who goes to church?

A Crystal Methodist.

Why do churches ban Wi-Fi?

Because they can't compete with an invisible power that actually exists

Why are churches never broke?

Because Jesus saves.

What's the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bubble bath?

The girl in church has her soul full of hope...

What's the difference between a nun in church and a nun in the bath?

One has hope in her soul...

Why did the melon get married in a church?

Because he was in love with a cantaloupe.

What did the Skunk say at Church?

Let us spray

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Why did the blonde go to church?

B/c she heard there was a guy hung like this(https://riverchurchtelford.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/jesus.jpg)

What did the deer first say when he got to church?

Deer God, please forgive me of my sins.

What do you call Batman if he leaves church?

Christian bail.

Why don't skeletons play music in church?

Because they got no organs.

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Soap Jokes More Soap Jokes

How do you hide money from a hippie?

Put it under the soap.

Where's the soap?

Yes, it does." she replies.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between America and Europe?

In America, we call our inbred hillbillies. In Europe, they call them royals.

What's the difference between England and an egg cup?

An egg can stay in the cup longer

Church Bell Jokes More Church Bell Jokes

What's the difference between a church bell &amp a church?

A church bell peals from the steeple.

What is the difference between a thief and a church bell?

One steals from the people the other peals from the steeple.

Invisible Power Jokes More Invisible Power Jokes

Why do churches ban Wi-Fi?

Because they can't compete with an invisible power that actually exists

Why do you never see a church with free Wi-Fi?

Because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

Christian Bale Jokes More Christian Bale Jokes

What do you get when a Catholic priest baptizes hay?

You get a Christian Bale

What is it called when Batman abandons Gotham city?

Christian Bale.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What's the difference between the stock market and women?

With the stock market you can only lose when you pull out.

How much do you think I will be losing with this?

Pharmacist replies: Well ... around 200 bucks.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when the smog rises in Los Angeles...?

UCLA.

What would happen if the BLM people became white lives matter?

They would finally be right.

Chicken Jokes More Chicken Jokes

What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a dog?

A hen that lays pooched eggs.

Why did the chicken cross my wife?

Because I ran her over in the street.