Birth Jokes

What do you call the birth of a lie?

Myth-conception

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What do you call a cow who just gave birth?

Decalfeinated

What is it called when someone gives birth to a 40 year old man?

A midwife crisis

How does a mermaid give birth?

By sea-section!

What do you call a sheep giving birth in a bedroom?

Bedlam

How can you tell that your dog just gave birth?

It is now a parent.

What do you call a veal-birthing cow?

De-calf

Why didn't the mother splinter call her son on his birth-day?

Because he's a little prick!

How does a woman go about inventing a lightbulb?

She gives birth to a son.

What do you call a cow that has given birth?

Decalfinated.

What's the difference between 9/11 and your birth?

One was planned.

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What day do most mothers give birth?

Labor day.

How does a woman go about inventing something?

She gives birth to a boy.

How do mermaids give birth?

Via Sea-Section

What is your date of birth?

Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."

What does a goat have when it gives birth?

A kid.

What is the height of honesty?

A: A pregnant lady takes one and a half ticket in the bus Q: What is the height of dishonesty A: She gives birth to twins

How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult?

It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.

Why were the 5 gorgeous young blonde Danish fashion models sobbing their eyes out?

I told them I wasn't going to give birth to them.

Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?

She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.

Why did the cat give birth at the park?

Because the sign at the park said "Fine for Littering"

What hurts more giving birth or being kicked in the balls?

A women will normally want more children after a year or two. No man has ever wanted another kick in the balls. Case closed.

How do you explain a man birthing a baby?

Taco bell for lunch

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Why are snakes so difficult to pick up in Japan?

Because in Japan, snakes are hebi.

What food guide does a Chicagoan need in Japan?

A Ramen Manual.

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Which dog looks like a cat?

A police dog in disguise.

What is taller when it sits down than when it stands up?

A dog.

Apology Jokes More Apology Jokes

What do you get when you throw a Canadian down a flight of stairs?

An apology.

Why did Willow Smith whip her hair?

Because it has been very knotty. Apologies in advance

Sea Section Jokes More Sea Section Jokes

What is an obstetrician's favorite part of the ocean?

It's the sea section.

How are one out of three American Boats born?

By Sea-Section.

Hospital Jokes More Hospital Jokes

What take out food should you avoid at all costs in Hospital?

Donor Kebab

Why did the cat go to the hospital?

A: To have a CAT scan done.

Dwarf Jokes More Dwarf Jokes

What do a midget and a dwarf have in common?

Very little.

What's the difference between a midget and a dwarf?

Little.

Milk Jokes More Milk Jokes

What has one horn and gives milk?

A A milk truck.

What do you get from a bee that has an udder?

ANSWER: Milk and honey.

Engineer Jokes More Engineer Jokes

How can you tell someone is an engineer?

They'll tell you! (Source: am an engineer)

Why didn't the engineer cross his own bridge?

Because he didn't truss it.