Bleed Jokes

What bleeds once a month and has absolutely no sense of humor?

Me. I'm pretty clumsy so I get paper cuts pretty regularly.

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What's got two legs, spots and bleeds?

Half a cheetah.

What has 2 legs and bleeds?

Half a dog.

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half of your dog...I hit it with my car.

What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a cat.

Why can't you trust girls?

because you can't trust something that bleeds for days and doesn't die.

How do you make an orphans hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until daddy gets home

What's the easiest way to make a homeless person bleed?

Brush their teeth!

What has two legs and bleeds profusely?

What has two legs and bleeds profusely? Half a cat

What has two legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a dog

What's got two legs and bleeds?

half a dog Derek, s01e05

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What has got two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog!

What eye cannot see, cannot blink and is bleeding?

The browneye. You'll have to guess why its bleeding.

What's the difference between a baby and a tree?

Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off.

How many times did you get tackled?

m:bleeding Twice

What has 2 legs and bleeds profusely?

Half a cat

What do you call a confederate that's bleeding out?

A rebel without a gauze

What's got two legs and bleed a lot?

half-a-dog!

What does the husband say to his wife whose nose is bleeding?

Nothing, he already said it twice.

Why is the zoo calling us about a missing coyote?

ME: bleeding profusely So... not a dog

How do you know when a liberal is really dead?

A: His heart stops bleeding.

Why did the clueless shark keep swimming in circles?

A : It had a bleed on its tail fin.

What is puberty?

B- Do you bleed BD - ... B - You Will

Why is he bleeding "Because you stabbed him?

FAIL "Because he doesn't floss" CORRECT!

What bleeds once a month in the mouth?

Me, when I remember to floss once a month. Edit: account got hacked and showed something different. Sorry about that

Why do women make better soldiers?

Because they can bleed for a week and not die.

What can guys call it?

How about bleeding white

What do Jesus and my high school girlfriend have in common?

They both bled for me.

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What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole

What's the difference between a red head and a blue head?

Your grip.

Clap Jokes More Clap Jokes

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ?

Santapplause !

How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, and ten people to stand around clapping and saying "Aww, how brave."

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do we know burgers love young people?

They're pro-teen!

What does a strong shoulder do when it doesn't know how to get any stronger?

Shrugs.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What did the flower couple call their two babies?

Poli, Nate

Why can't ghosts have babies?

They have hollow weenies!

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What do they tell Soviet children who want to achieve their dreams?

Shoot for the Tsars.

How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros?

Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What has 50 legs but cant walk ?

Half a centipede !

Why did the tractor trailer mechanic always have half an erection?

Because he was constantly nursing a semi.

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

What do you call two hobos hitting each other with cardboard?

Pillow fight

How did the french guy feel when he got hit by a piece of bread?

He felt pain.

Limb Jokes More Limb Jokes

What's the difference between a baby and a tree?

Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off.

What did the starfish say when it realized that it lost it's ability to regenerate limbs?

I can't remember.