Rip Jokes

What do you call an Arab who has a ripped body??

Osama Bin Liftin

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How did Jesus get so ripped?

He does crossfit.

What happens when redditors die?

RIP in box

How do you sell a deaf guy a frog?

DO YOU WANT TO BUY A FROG? rip.

Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

Whole Foods?

Ripped off.

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

Why did little Jimmy cross the road?

Because he wanted a good view of the front of a moving Porsche. RIP lil' Jimmy

What did one toilet roll say to another toilet roll?

People keep ripping me off.

What do you call a bad hairdresser who is also very expensive?

A rip-off.

Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled?

It didn't protect him from harmful rays Edit: Steve Irwin was the man. RIP

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Why didn't the man buy Velcro shoes?

because they were a rip off

How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing?

Let's just say he felt overall sadness.

What did the neckbeard say while giving the eulogy for his extremely flatulent friend?

Rip in peace

How did Humpty Dumpty get ripped?

Wall-sits.

Who would win in a fight?

A bicycle wheel or an old book Well, it's hard to say. One's pumped and the other's ripped.

What did the vegetarian do to get ripped?

He juiced...

What's the fastest way to get a ripped body?

Take highwhey.

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

What happens when a magician gets mad?

He rips out his hare!

What did the slaughterhouse foreman say when he found out his best butcher had his heart, lungs and kidneys ripped out in a cutter accident?

That's offal

What do you call it when a king rips a fart?

Air to the throne.

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would the hulk do?

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

Why were all the girls looking at the piece of paper?

Because it was ripped.

What do you call a cheap vasectomy?

A rip off.

Why did Jesus look so ripped during Crucifixion?

CrossFit

What do you call it when you get ripped from steroid use?

Ill-gotten gains

What did the drifter say to the person he hit ?

RIP my E-brake

Where did Christ get his ripped abs?

Cross fit

Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?

It reads "Small medium at large."

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Tornado Jokes More Tornado Jokes

What do tornados and black people have in common?

It only takes one to ruin a neighborhood

What's the worst place to be during a tornado?

Cracker Barrel.

Frog Jokes More Frog Jokes

What did you think of the chapter on frogs?

Biologist 2: Oh it was quite ribbiting.

What do you call an awesome internet site for frogs?

Rebbit.

Porsche Jokes More Porsche Jokes

What's the difference between a Porsche and a trash bag full of dead babies?

I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

What's the difference between an flautist and a Porsche?

Most members of the band haven't been in a Porsche.

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

Why is a doctor always calm?

He got a lot of patients

What was the last thing Daedalus said to Icarus?

You've got a lot of potential, son."

Scotsman Jokes More Scotsman Jokes

How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Scotsmen don't change light bulbs it's cheaper to sit in the dark

Why do Scotsmen screw their sheep by the side of a cliff?

Because they push back harder.

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

What did Adele say when she crossed the road?

sing* Hello from the other side!

What would be your reply?

Someone stops you in the middle of the road and asks you to tell him a good joke, What would be your reply?

Deaf Guy Jokes More Deaf Guy Jokes

What did a chemist say to a deaf guy?

Does it matter

What did the deaf guy get for Christmas ?

A Headphone

Mile Jokes More Mile Jokes

Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?

A blonde parade!