Rip Jokes

What do you call an Arab who has a ripped body??

Osama Bin Liftin

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How did Jesus get so ripped?

He does crossfit.

What happens when redditors die?

RIP in box

How do you sell a deaf guy a frog?

DO YOU WANT TO BUY A FROG? rip.

Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

Whole Foods?

Ripped off.

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

Why did little Jimmy cross the road?

Because he wanted a good view of the front of a moving Porsche. RIP lil' Jimmy

What did one toilet roll say to another toilet roll?

People keep ripping me off.

What do you call a bad hairdresser who is also very expensive?

A rip-off.

Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled?

It didn't protect him from harmful rays Edit: Steve Irwin was the man. RIP

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Why didn't the man buy Velcro shoes?

because they were a rip off

How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing?

Let's just say he felt overall sadness.

What did the neckbeard say while giving the eulogy for his extremely flatulent friend?

Rip in peace

How did Humpty Dumpty get ripped?

Wall-sits.

Who would win in a fight?

A bicycle wheel or an old book Well, it's hard to say. One's pumped and the other's ripped.

What did the vegetarian do to get ripped?

He juiced...

What's the fastest way to get a ripped body?

Take highwhey.

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

What happens when a magician gets mad?

He rips out his hare!

What did the slaughterhouse foreman say when he found out his best butcher had his heart, lungs and kidneys ripped out in a cutter accident?

That's offal

What do you call it when a king rips a fart?

Air to the throne.

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would the hulk do?

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

Why were all the girls looking at the piece of paper?

Because it was ripped.

What do you call a cheap vasectomy?

A rip off.

Why did Jesus look so ripped during Crucifixion?

CrossFit

What do you call it when you get ripped from steroid use?

Ill-gotten gains

What did the drifter say to the person he hit ?

RIP my E-brake

Where did Christ get his ripped abs?

Cross fit

Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?

It reads "Small medium at large."

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Little Jimmy Jokes More Little Jimmy Jokes

Why did little Jimmy break open his computer?

It said that it had 20 cookies in it.

Why did little Jimmy cross the road?

Because he wanted a good view of the front of a moving Porsche. RIP lil' Jimmy

Sell Jokes More Sell Jokes

How is marijuana stock sold on the stock market?

Buy high sell higher.

Why was Amazon angry after their conference with Samsung?

After taking Notes, they realized their was no way they could sell the Fire.

Scotsman Jokes More Scotsman Jokes

What would a Scotsman call a mountain which is on the moon?

A moon-tain.

What do you call a Scotsman who works in a cloakroom?

Angus McCoatup

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

Why did the plant cross the road?

Cus it was being stalked!

Why did the hipster cross the road?

To get to a place you've probably never heard of.

Fence Jokes More Fence Jokes

What do you call an Asian lady sitting on a fence with no arms or legs?

Pai-Ling

Why are Redditors so good at fencing?

Because they always riposte.

Frog Jokes More Frog Jokes

Whats green, three inches long and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs middle finger.

What did the frog say when he walked into the bar?

Bonjour.*

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What do call having to settle for buying corn?

Compra maize.

What did the teacher say after spending thousands in the expensive hotel?

I'm sorry to leave now that I've almost bought the place.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What do you call people waiting in line for Vietnamese soup?

Pho queue.

Why don't blind people go sky diving?

It freaks out the dogs!