Rope Jokes

What did the string say when the rope proposed marriage?

Let's knot."

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How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Untie the rope...

What falls faster from a tree? A leaf or an emo?

The leaf, the rope stops the emo.

How does a sloth hang itself?

By trying to jump rope.

How do pirates measure rope?

In yarr'ds.

How do you get a black guy out of a tree?

Cut the rope!

Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch ?

He was the skipper !

What's more fun than swinging an infant over your head with a rope as fast as you can?

Stopping it with a shovel

Why didn't the rope get any presents this year?

He was very knotty.

How do you get a black man out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

What did one end of the rope say to the other?

We were bound to get together...

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Why did the rope not get any presents?

Because he was knotty.

Why did the rope go to jail?

Because he was knotty

What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor?

A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.

Who's there ! Caroline ! Caroline who ?

Caroline of rope with you !

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

Why did the boxer sprinkle cocaine on his exercise rope?

He wanted to practice the rope-a-dope.

What falls down faster from a tree, a leaf or an emo?

A leaf. The rope catches the emo.

Why did the rope get put in timeout?

Because he was very knotty.

What do they do with rope in space?

Tie Astro-knots.

Why do sailors give their wives a bouqet of ropes instead of flowers?

It's a bouqet of forget-me-knots.

Why did you tie a rope on that criminal?

Officer: You ordered me to get a line on the suspect.

How do you get a goth down from a tree?

Cut the rope

Which wrestler do the Gorillas admire most?

Gorilla Monsoon - he knows the ropes!

Why did the man use a pair of scissors on the rope?

The knife just wasn't cutting it.

What lands first?

The leaf, a rope stopped the emo.

What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?

A:('A jump rope')"

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Let Jokes More Let Jokes

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine &amp a small child?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window...

What did Captain Cook say to his men before they got on the ship?

Let's get on the ship, men!

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Where was Matthew McConaughey headed in those Lincoln commercials?

Dunno but I'm sure he made all rights all rights all rights.

What do you call a nosy hot pepper?

Jalapeno business! ha ha.. haha.. ha love this joke (Usually accompanied with three snaps of the fingers in the shape of the letter Z and moving my head from side to side)

Shovel Jokes More Shovel Jokes

How do you turn a washing machine into a snowblower?

Give her a shovel.

What's more fun than swinging a dead baby by a string?

Stopping it with a shovel!

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

What did the hat say to the tie?

You hang around. I'll go on a head.

How did Reddit not fell down yet?

I mean, it is only hanging by threads...

Practice Jokes More Practice Jokes

Why did the music student have a piano in the bathroom?

Because he was practicing Handel's Water Music.

Why are emo people so good at ping-pong?

Because they are well practiced in cutting.

Pitch Jokes More Pitch Jokes

What did the umpire say when Randy Johnson hit a bird with his pitch?

Fowl ball.

What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?

Bring on their subs!

Present Jokes More Present Jokes

How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source?

They chia'd.

Why didn't the rope get any presents this year?

He was very knotty.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What will they ask Jared of Subway in the prison shower?

Do you want a 6 or a 12 inch one?' I heard this joke on Bill Burr's podcast.

What do you call a Snorlax that wants to win a race?

A cab.