Ape Jokes

What do you call an ape that's both extremely frugal and fearful?

A cheap pansy

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you call an Ape that's afraid of heights?

A chimp-pansy. This is my go to primatology joke.

What do you call an Ape cooking a BBQ?

A Gorilla

What did one ape say to the the other ape?

What did one ape say to the other ape. "

What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?

A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?

Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

What did the first ape that could walk say to all the other apes?

I'm walkin' here!

What separates the men from the apes?

The Mediterranean Sea.

How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes?

Hold up your arm and say "Go back you didn't say 'May I'"

What do you get when you cross an ape and a black person?

A really stupid ape

Why do Apes like tall buildings?

They want to climb the heights of the business world!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why do apes climb to the tops of buildings?

The elevator men are on strike!

Which author do the Gorillas love most?

Joh Steinbeck - who wrote 'The Apes of Wrath!'

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?

You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!

What happened when the Ape won the door prize?

He didn't take it - he already had a door!

Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money?

It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you!

Why do primates do so well in show biz?

Put any Ape in the spotlight - and monkeyshines!

Why do Apes love to go to school in bad neighbourhoods?

They like any jungle - even a blackboard jungle!

When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

How do we know that Apes are like fish after a rainstorm?

They'll both bite at anything!

What do you get when you cross a Texas Aggie with an ape?

A retarded ape.

What excuse does an Ape give for abducting a pretty girl?

I can't help it - she brings out the beast in me!

Why did the Ape jump off the building?

He wanted to show the world the stuff he was made of!

How many Apes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one... but it takes a shitload of light bulbs.

This joke may have profanity.

You might also enjoy:

Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

Why is steak harder to cook than spinach?

It takes a lot more thyme to accomplish.

What do you call a steak that is cooked wrong?

A mistake

Descend Jokes More Descend Jokes

What was the philosopher's last thought before he descended into quicksand?

I sink therefore I am.

What do you call an snobbish Mongolian ruler going down the stairs?

A condescending Khan descending.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened when the composer got angry?

He flew off the Handel

What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time?

What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time? Urine-nation!

Month Jokes More Month Jokes

How do you get a date on Tinder?

Seriously guys, I've been trying for months so if anyone have any useful tips it would be much appreciated.

How long does it take for a black woman to poop?

Nine months.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

Why did the piece of gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chicken.

What do you get when you cross a stoner with a halo nerd?

Masterchief

Banana Jokes More Banana Jokes

What's yellow and smells of bananas?

Monkey vomit

Why did the wizard wear a yellow robe to the Halloween party?

He was going as a banana.

Black Person Jokes More Black Person Jokes

When does a black person goes to school?

When it's being built!

What don't you ever wanna call a black person that begins with the letter n. And ends with the letter r?

Neighbor

Enjoy Jokes More Enjoy Jokes

Why do redneck men enjoy Halloween so much?

They love to pump kin.

Why would a dentist make a good airport security guard?

They both enjoy a good cavity search!