Communist Jokes

How many communists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One guy to screw in the light bulb, and the other guy to shoot him if he doesn't do it right.

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What do you call an American who does not like apple pie?

A Communist

Why did Russia lose the race?

Because it was Stalin! (Sorry. Communist jokes aren't funny unless every gets them.)

Which is the most communist vegetable?

The soviet Onion

Why was the communist arrested?

He was caught red handed.

How many communists died during ww2?

not enough

What's similar between communists and communism?

Neither work.

What do you call a frozen Communist?

A hammer and pop-sickle

Why do no communists drink Earl Grey tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

What do you call an arranged marriage between two communists who don't like each other?

A so-be-it union.

Why aren't there any British Communists?

Because communists believe all proper tea is theft.

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Why do Communists only drink coffee?

Because proper tea is theft.

Why do Communists drink herbal tea?

Because proper-tea is theft.

What do you call a communist pirate?

Lutin.

Who was the funniest Communist?

Roflmao

How do Communists achieve a revolution every single year?

They planet!

How many communists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None. Each lightbulb contains the means of its own revolution.

Why were there no feminists in Communist China?

Because everyone had equal rice.

How does a communist do well in school?

He gets good marx.

What do you call a communist pirate ship?

The USS Arrrrrr

Why is China a communist country?

Because nobody wants to hold an erection.

Where do Communists go to get burgers?

Czechers.

How do we know cats are communists?

All they ever say is Mao.

What do you call a communist who's good with a rifle?

A marxman.

What do you call a party of communists that haven't seen each other in years?

Soviet Reunion Terrible and painful, I know.

What happened when the communists took over the airport?

The planes kept Stalin.

What's the difference between a communist and a feminist?

The communist wants equality

Why did the communists trip over?

Because they were Russian!

What do you get when you mix a communist and a capitalist?

Bernie sanders

What do communists clean first when they do their laundry?

Their Linens

What do you get when you cross a cartoon character and a Communist?

Mickey Mao.

What do communists do on May Day?

Paint the town red.

What do you call a communist who's also a good sniper?

a Marxman

What did the communist say at the beginning of the race?

On your Marx, get set, go!"

What do a communist and a nihilist have in common?

It's all the same to them

How'd the date go?

Not good. Too many red flags. *Flashback to her house being covered with USSR flags* I think she might be a communist.

What do communists put in their soup?

Soviet Onions.

What do a communist and communism itself have in common?

Neither one works.

Who is the communist leader of r/Jokes ?

Chairman Lmao

Why do Communists only write in lowercase?

Because they hate Capitalism.

What do you call a communist video streaming service?

Niet-flix.

What do you call a Communist Mexican?

A Gaucho Marxist

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Theft Jokes More Theft Jokes

Why do Marxists drink herbal tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Why do no communists drink Earl Grey tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Soviet Onion Jokes More Soviet Onion Jokes

Which is the most communist vegetable?

The soviet Onion

Which country has the most crying people per km?

The Soviet Onion

Arrest Jokes More Arrest Jokes

Why did the sheriff arrest the tree?

Because its leaves rustled.

Why did Snoop Dogg get arrested?

Embezzlement

Arrange Marriage Jokes More Arrange Marriage Jokes

What do they call divorce in India?

Re-arranged marriage

What do you call an arranged marriage between two communists who don't like each other?

A so-be-it union.

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

How did pinocchio find out that he was made out of wood?

His hand caught fire.

Why would someone in jail want to catch the measles?

So he could break out.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between OJ Simpson and Stephen King?

OJ's truth is stranger than King's fiction.

What's the difference between justice and relevant ethnic groups in America?

Justice isn't always black and white

British Jokes More British Jokes

What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming?

Paul stop monkeying around!

What's the best way for an American to lose weight?

Gamble in British currency.

Ww2 Jokes More Ww2 Jokes

Why did China lose WW2?

Because their weapons were made in China

What happened to German Orphans after WW2?

Did they ever get back on the Reich track (I saw the post in /r/history earlier and was disappointed to find it was a serious question. I fixed it.)