Communist Jokes

How many communists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One guy to screw in the light bulb, and the other guy to shoot him if he doesn't do it right.

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What do you call an American who does not like apple pie?

A Communist

Why did Russia lose the race?

Because it was Stalin! (Sorry. Communist jokes aren't funny unless every gets them.)

Which is the most communist vegetable?

The soviet Onion

Why was the communist arrested?

He was caught red handed.

How many communists died during ww2?

not enough

What's similar between communists and communism?

Neither work.

What do you call a frozen Communist?

A hammer and pop-sickle

Why do no communists drink Earl Grey tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

What do you call an arranged marriage between two communists who don't like each other?

A so-be-it union.

Why aren't there any British Communists?

Because communists believe all proper tea is theft.

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Why do Communists only drink coffee?

Because proper tea is theft.

Why do Communists drink herbal tea?

Because proper-tea is theft.

What do you call a communist pirate?

Lutin.

Who was the funniest Communist?

Roflmao

How do Communists achieve a revolution every single year?

They planet!

How many communists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None. Each lightbulb contains the means of its own revolution.

Why were there no feminists in Communist China?

Because everyone had equal rice.

How does a communist do well in school?

He gets good marx.

What do you call a communist pirate ship?

The USS Arrrrrr

Why is China a communist country?

Because nobody wants to hold an erection.

Where do Communists go to get burgers?

Czechers.

How do we know cats are communists?

All they ever say is Mao.

What do you call a communist who's good with a rifle?

A marxman.

What do you call a party of communists that haven't seen each other in years?

Soviet Reunion Terrible and painful, I know.

What happened when the communists took over the airport?

The planes kept Stalin.

What's the difference between a communist and a feminist?

The communist wants equality

Why did the communists trip over?

Because they were Russian!

What do you get when you mix a communist and a capitalist?

Bernie sanders

What do communists clean first when they do their laundry?

Their Linens

What do you get when you cross a cartoon character and a Communist?

Mickey Mao.

What do communists do on May Day?

Paint the town red.

What do you call a communist who's also a good sniper?

a Marxman

What did the communist say at the beginning of the race?

On your Marx, get set, go!"

What do a communist and a nihilist have in common?

It's all the same to them

How'd the date go?

Not good. Too many red flags. *Flashback to her house being covered with USSR flags* I think she might be a communist.

What do communists put in their soup?

Soviet Onions.

What do a communist and communism itself have in common?

Neither one works.

Who is the communist leader of r/Jokes ?

Chairman Lmao

Why do Communists only write in lowercase?

Because they hate Capitalism.

What do you call a communist video streaming service?

Niet-flix.

What do you call a Communist Mexican?

A Gaucho Marxist

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What do you call a guy that never farts in public?

A privet tutor

Why are sewer covers called manholes?

If they were called womanholes, guys would keep trying to get in.

Stalin Jokes More Stalin Jokes

Why did the Soviets implement 5 year plans instead of 4 year plans?

Cuz they were stalin'!

What do you call it when Lenin, Trotsky, and Stalin get together for a drink?

A communist party

World Jokes More World Jokes

What's the biggest ant in the world?

Girl: My Aunt Boy: No it's an elephant. Girl: You obviously haven't met my Aunt

What's the quietest album in the world?

Stephen Hawking - unplugged

Feminist Jokes More Feminist Jokes

Why did the feminist get fired from Panera?

Because she ate all the cookies and didn't know how to make a sandwich.

How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?

A sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

What time is it?

I don't know... it keeps changing.

How many boxers does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They're used to having their lights knocked out.That joke turned dark fast. I'll see myself to my respective corner.

Equality Jokes More Equality Jokes

Why is it good to post jokes about feminists?

It promotes equality.

How many Egalitarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Doesn't matter, they'll just screw it one rotation one way and one rotation the other way and call it equality.

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

What is the difference between christianity and national socialism?

In christianity, one guy died for all the others.

Why are most cemeteries fenced in?

Because everyone is dying to get in

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

What's the worst kind of joke?

Clickbait. Edit: Added a space which triggered someone.

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a seven year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window. EDIT: Damn it he was four