Receive Jokes

Why did the kids not receive presents for Christmas?

Because Rudolph intentionally grounded the team...

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What is the best way to receive downvotes on reddit?

Wohahaha! That was funny! XD

What's the best way to receive down votes on reddit?

Wohahaha! That was funny! XD

Where do shoes receive their military training?

Boot Camp

Why do health magazines targeting hypochondriacs have so much trouble maintaining subscriber levels?

Because none of their readers believe them when they receive a warning that it's their final issue.

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

What do poor countries already have but also receive?

AID...S

Why did the scarecrow receive a prize?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

What do you call a Doctor who received all 'D's in Medical School?

Doctor

What did the astronaut get on his science project?

He received a T minus.

Why did the sun-praiser receive the full inheritance from his grandmother?

Because he was the Solaire!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What workplace benefit do ebola quarantine nurses receive?

Hazardous doodie pay!

Why did the agnostic receive a lighter sentence?

He had no prior convictions.

What do all 'Tickle Me Elmo' toys receive before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles.

How does god receive prayers?

knee-mail

Why did Dr.Pepper blush?

He received a Sunkist from his Crush

What did the late arriving cannibal receive at the dinner party?

The cold shoulder.

What did Orion receive when he won second place in the archery contest?

The constellation prize.

Why did the movie critic give the movie he received on a burned disc a 3.14/5?

Because it was pi-rated.

What's the highest form of praise you can receive from a pimp?

A: A back-handed compliment.

Whats the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?

Two test tickles.

Why didn't the bear from the revenant win the Oscar?

Because it would've torn Leo up to receive another Oscar loss

Why did the scarecrow receive an award?

because he was out standing in his field.

Where did you receive your education?

Me: Yale Interviewer: Wow! When did you graduate Me: I yust got out in Yuly

What is courage?

He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

What did the asian do after receiving a test with a bad grade?

Bangladesh

What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?

Forty feet of track - all straight!

What does every Tickle Me Elmo receive before it leaves the factory?

Two testicles.

What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?

Well, I don't know" she answers shyly. "OK, that I give you another year to think about it..."

How do gangsters receive communications?

Gmail

What did the 11 year old junior paleontologist and 50-cent music lover with cancer receive from the one wish foundation?

A Rap Tour

What does a Greek say when he receives his salary?

Danke schon.

What advice does Jay Leno receive when sad?

Chin up pal.

What's the best campsite in the world?

Auschwitz, received well over three million starts

What should a redditor receive after a terrible joke?

Karma. (Please forgive me)

What was Monica Lewinsky's job at the White House?

Receiving heads of state.

What did the Hebrew's call it when they stopped receiving mana every morning?

mana-pause

What's worse?

Receiving a text from your girlfriend saying that you're breaking up or receiving a second text after saying that it was supposed to be for someone else

Why was the dyslexic rabbit disappointed when he received the solid gold bar he had ordered via the internet?

He thought the ad said '24 carrots'

What did the Ukrainian Scientist receive after discovering the dangers of radiation?

A Chernobel Prize.

What does every Elmo receive before they leave the factory?

Two test tickles!

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Gee, I'll never part with it!

Why did the scarecrow receive a Nobel Prize?

He was outstanding in his field.

Why did Alexander Graham Bell never receive a nobel prize?

Because it's a "no bell" prize.

What kind of award did the dentist receive?

A little plaque.

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What's the best way to kick a habit today (day after Thanksgiving)?

Cold turkey.

What's the best way to get home from school?

Don't go to school.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What's the best way to make friends?

tell a woman you love her and she says "i think we're just friends..."

How do you tell the difference between a factory worker, and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I wouldn't pay 50 to have a lentil on my face...

What is the difference between Kanye West and God?

God doesn't think that He's Kanye.

Target Jokes More Target Jokes

Why are there no Walmarts in Syria?

Because there is a target on every corner. Guys, this syriaous.

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Team Jokes More Team Jokes

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

How many maple leafs does it take to change a tire?

Only 1, unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up

Text Jokes More Text Jokes

How do you troll someone?

Make them wipe their screen because they think text is a smudge.

Why does a billionaire need a Bat signal?

He is in a cave. How does he even see the signal Why won't you just text him

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Why did the kid steal the fan?

He wanted to be cool.

How do Alabama parents teach their kids to put on their underwear?

Yellow in the front, brown in the back.

Trouble Jokes More Trouble Jokes

Why do few black people have a PhD?

They have trouble getting past their masters.

Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?

Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!