Apple Jokes

What lives in apples and is an avid reader?

A bookworm !

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What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do?

It can look round.

Why don't apples smile when you go bobbing ?

Because they're crab apples !

Who's there ! Apple ! Apple who ?

Apple the door myself!

How do we know Snow White was a hipster?

She could never say no to apple.

What has everyone been doing at Apple since the problems with the iPhone 6 started?

Looking for Jobs.

What does a pirate wear if he works at Apple?

iPatch

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ?

A pineapple !

What do you call it when you drop an apple on the ground?

A fruit by the foot

How does an apple a day keep the doctor away?

When you take careful aim.

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.

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Why do computer teachers never get sick?

Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Why did the apple cross the road?

To get to the other cider.

Why won't Apple's new MacBook sell well?

because it has NO FANS!!! (get it no fans ... thank you!! don't forget to tip your server.)

Why was the iPad sad?

Someone took a bite out of its Apple.

What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding in his hands?

He brought it to school and said 'An Ape-lle for the teacher!'

How many Apple workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to over hype the new lightbulb and one to make sure it breaks within a year.

What did the apple say to the pear?

Man, go away!

What reads and lives in an apple ?

A bookworm !

What happened when Apple added the new touchbar?

They're taking away functions, and there's no escape.

Why does the Empire use Apple?

Because they couldn't find the droid they were looking for

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A lot, apparently. Have you seen their new building?

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.

How many Apple executives does it take to change a light bulb?

They dont. They turn it into the hype of the new generation.

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

How many Apple workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to over hype the new lightbulb and one to make sure it breaks within a year.

How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them!

What do you get hanging from Apple trees?

Sore arms.

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Why are all early birds Catholics?

Protestant birds don't really want a Diet of Worms.

Why did the fish jump out of the water?

Because he was hooked on worms.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Why are locomotive drivers so good at driving locomotives?

Because they were trained.

What do you call a bus full of lawyers driving off a cliff?

A Good Start.(http://www.youtube.com/watch v=obKLdou0LH0)

Mouth Jokes More Mouth Jokes

What do you call a Roman warrior with hair in his mouth?

Gladiator Get it? Glad He Ate Her..

What will men do for pleasure at that time?

God: *sigh* Fine. Mouths. But they'll talk. A lot.

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

Whats Brown and Sticky?

Mohammed Ali opening a can of coke.

What did the hipster say when a starbucks opened in his neighborhood?

You can't gentrify this place! I just moved here!"

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

What sound does a black widow make?

My husband be dead

What sound does Korean bread make when it hits a wall?

Bang! (!)

Short Temper Jokes More Short Temper Jokes

What kind of apple has a short temper?

A crab apple.

Why do midgets always fight?

Short tempers.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to the man who went to court for making deafening noises?

He lost his hearing.

What happens to a black mans hair when it feels nauseous?

It fro's up.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

What is one of the funniest simple joke you have ever heard?

Literally... made you die laughing e.g. Why did the monkey fall of the tree bc it died e.g. How do you keep an idiot in suspense

How did the blonde die drinking milk?

A: The cow fell on her.