Tv Jokes

Why cant you watch TV in Afghanistan?

Because of the tele-ban.

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What's faster than a black man running with a tv?

His cousin with the DVD player

Why are TV's attracted to people?

Because we turn them on. / /

What do you say when you see your TV floating at night?

Put it down, Tyrone!"

What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?

Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?

What did the police officer say to the white man running away with a TV?

Sir, you dropped your receipt!"

What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?

They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.

What have you done wrong if the wife keep complaining when you try to watch TV in the living room?

You made the chain too long in the kitchen.

How will the Duggar's stay on TV and make money?

By moving the show to a "true crime" channel and calling it "18 Victims and Counting".

What kind of TV show do felines watch?

Catoons

Whats faster then a Aboriginal with a TV?

His son with the xbox.

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What do you say when you see your TV floating in the middle of the night?

Drop it Ni**a (sorry for the offensive word)

What do you call Dracula's retarded cousin?

Countdown This was a joke I heard on TV some time ago ... Thought it was worth a share.

How does a poor man watch TV?

with binoculars. u know, he has to watch whatever the neighbours are watching.

What did the tv say to the remote control?

you turn me on"

Why couldn't little Johnny get the toy he saw on TV?

His parents weren't 18 or older.

Why do blacks keep on getting stronger?

TVs are getting heavier.

What does the last man on earth watch on tv?

Reruns

Who is tall, orange-skinned, blatantly racist, should not be a politician, and makes everyone groan whenever he appears on TV?

Jar Jar Binks

Where were you?

Uh, with my.. gf " Gf Well, tell us about her! What's her name commercial on tv uh.. Lisa.. Brandnewtoyota

What do you do when your wife is blocking view of the TV?

Go to the kitchen and shorten her chain.

What happens to the losers of the tv show The Biggest Loser?

They're made to feel like the smallest person in the world.

What should you do if you see your TV floating?

Turn on the lights and shoot the black guy.

What's on the TV?

I said "Dust!"

Where do tv's go on vacation?

To remote Islands

What did the tv get for Christmas?

Replaced

What's on TV?

I said, 'Dust.' And that's how the fight started....

Why are there commentators for televised sports?

We can figure out what's going on live, but can't while watching it on tv

Why does a rooster watch TV ?

For hentertainment !

What's up with all these idiots on TV trying to talk to ghosts?

I don't even wanna talk to the living.

Who.. Plays The Guitar.. Boy: How Do i play the guitar ?

Girls: You Should be on TV for your talent. Boy: Am i so good ..... Boy : if you were on TV, i can atleast switch it off...

What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and your TV is floating?

Man, wall mounts are awesome."

Why do they keep making TVs thinner and thinner?

To keep up with the content.

How do you know if a black person used your TV?

It's not there anymore.

Why couldn't they show the orchestra concert on TV?

There was too much sax and violins.

Where is the English Channel?

Student: I don't know, my tv doesn't pick it up

How do you know if your friend, "Doesn't even OWN a TV?

Because it's this answer to every question you ask them. "Did you hear about the President's new policy on... " "I don't even OWN a TV!"

When do hamburgers most enjoy watching TV?

During PRIME time!

What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float?

You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.

What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV

Where is the English Channel ?

Pupil: I don't know my TV doesn't pick it up

Why are DJ's called 'radio personalities' ?

Because if they had the looks they'd be on TV.

Can I watch the TV?

Yes, but don’t turn it on.

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Float Jokes More Float Jokes

What do u call two lesbians floating down a river in a canoe?

Fur traders.

What do you call a group of singing people floating around in the ocean?

An acappellago

Philadelphia Jokes More Philadelphia Jokes

Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia ?

Must have been a duck family A duck family Didn't you say there was a quack in it !

What do Nicki Minaj and the Philadelphia police department have in common?

Reclaiming black bodies.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin?

Zimmerman can dodge a bullet.

Whats the difference between an Irish Party and an Irish Funeral?

One less drunken Irishman

Switch Jokes More Switch Jokes

What is red... And smells like green paint?

Red paint! Whats green, and smells like red paint Green paint :) Can't believe how many time I switch to the second, and they don't get it!

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?

Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why does Snoop Dog always smile like he knows something you don't?

Because he's been snooping around.

What's another word for knowing that you're right?

Woman

Talent Jokes More Talent Jokes

Why did the Dino Dance Team fail the Talent Show?

They were all Nervous-Rex

Who.. Plays The Guitar.. Boy: How Do i play the guitar ?

Girls: You Should be on TV for your talent. Boy: Am i so good ..... Boy : if you were on TV, i can atleast switch it off...

Newspaper Jokes More Newspaper Jokes

What's black white and read all over?

A: A newspaper.

What's black and white and read all over?

The newspaper.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

How do you know Tiger Woods is one of the richest people in the world?

He plays golf.

What do you call a person who plays the viola?

A: A violator.