England Jokes

What book does the Queen of England read to get herself into a raunchy mood?

50 Shades of Earl Grey

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What's the different between England and a tea bag?

A tea bag last longer in the cup

What do they call the 13th floor in England?

The 12th floor.

Why did the siamese twins moved to England?

So the other one would also drive

Why does England always get attacked in the summer?

Because the Knights are shorter then.

What's the difference between a tea bag and England?

A tea bag stays longer in a cup.

What do you call a starving artist from 17th Century England?

baroque

How do you lose 30 pounds in 1 Minute?

Go to England and buy something

Why do penguins never go to England?

Because they're afraid of Wales!

Who is the poorest in England?

The Tooth Fairy!

What's the difference between England and a cup of tea?

The teabag stays in the cup longer.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What's the difference between England and a teabag?

The teabag stays in the cup longer.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag?

A tea bag stays in the cup longer!

What did the Mexican detective say in England?

I'm like Sherlock, holmes.

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the one on the right could drive for a change.

What's the difference between England and Oscar Pistorius?

England gets off scott-free.

What's got two wings, a tail and twenty five pricks?

England's return flight.

Why did the Siamese Twins travel to England?

So the other one could drive

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?

Paul gas coin!

What's the difference between the England football team and a teabag?

The teabag stays longer in the cup.

What famous chiropodist ruled England ?

William the Corn-cutter!

Why is the letter E like London?

Because it is the capital of England.

Why were India kicked out of the Soccer world Cup held in England in 1966 ?

A. Every time they were given a corner, they built a shop."

What is the most romantic city in England?

Loverpool!

What do terrorists and the England football team have in common?

They will never win

What do they do for the 4th of July in England?

Sulk.

What's the difference between England and an egg cup?

An egg can stay in the cup longer

What's next to England?

A question mark.

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

A wet one.

Why did Marxism never catch on in England?

Because then it'd be impossible to get proper tea.

Why is England the wettest country?

Monarchies have reigned there for centuries.

What's Christmas called in England ?

Yule Britannia !

Why is England so special?

Only they can pull out of Europe twice in a week.

What do you call the prince of england's donger?

The buckingham phallus.

Why is it "canceled" in America, but "cancelled" in England?

Because we gave them that L in 1776.

Where's England, Jon?

He proudly answers: - Page 83.

Why is the time in the USA behind that of England ?

Because England was discovered before the USA !

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive West.

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Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What pen company did Lance Armstrong buy?

Uniball

What is the worst place to have the "you break it, you buy it" rule?

The pet store

Wing Jokes More Wing Jokes

What does have eyes but can't see, has legs but can't walk, and has wings but can't fly?

A dead bird.

Why did the blonde jump off the cliff?

A: She thought her maxi pad had wings

Cup Jokes More Cup Jokes

What's the difference between England and an egg cup?

An egg can stay in the cup longer

How do you make a latte?

Add $5 to a cup of coffee.

Earl Grey Jokes More Earl Grey Jokes

Why was Karl Marx arrested for brewing a cup of Earl Grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Why do no communists drink Earl Grey tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Tail Jokes More Tail Jokes

What do you call a monkey with a white bandanna tied to his tail?

A surrender monkey

How can you tell a dog is a cool dog?

It swags its tail.

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What do dolphins use to stay clean?

All-porpoise cleaner.

What's Irish and stays out all year?

Patty O'furniture.

Right Jokes More Right Jokes

Why do women always sleep on the left side of the bed?

BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS!!!!!

What did Matthew McConaughey yell at the drive that was about to miss his turn?

A right a right a right!

Attack Jokes More Attack Jokes

What's the first thing you do when attacked by a gang of clowns?

Go straight for the juggler.

What did the scientist who got attacked by sodium chloride say?

That's a salt!