Buddhist Jokes

How many buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they enlighten themselves.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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How do Buddhist monks send emails?

They remove all attachments.

What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything

What does a redneck Buddhist believe in?

Reintarnation.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum in corners?

Because they don't have attachments!

Why shouldn't you burn scented candles inside of a Buddhist shrine?

Because doing so would be incense-itive!

What's a Buddhist's favorite physics law?

Om's Law.

What is an omelette?

A small Buddhist.

How many buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three - one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change-and not-change it.

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader?

Arrested for procurement of a minor. Trust me on this one.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Why don't Buddhists have Instagram?

They don't believe in the concept of a selfie.

Why don't many buddhists work in the railroad industry?

they have too many ohms to be good conductors.

What did the Buddhist say when asked if he'd like to move from Tibet to North Korea?

Nah. I'ma stay.

What does a Buddhist order from a hotdogs vendor?

One with everything

What do you call a violent Buddhist?

A Zero.

What did the blonde Buddhist say when she finished her 88th prayer?

I literally chant even..."

What do Buddhist monks have for breakfast?

Ommm' lettes!

What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?

Nothing wrapped in Emptiness. How did the birthday child respond? You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift. To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."

What did the Buddhist get for Christmas?

Presence.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?

Because they have no attachments.

What is the difference between a sociopath and a buddhist?

A sociopath sees people as things a buddhist sees things as people.

What do you call a Mexican Buddhist?

Om-bre

Why couldn't the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email?

He had no attachments.

How much resistance can a Buddhist monk endure?

Ohmmmmmm............

Why do buddhist make bad vacuum salesman?

They can't deal with attachments.

What does the sign at a nudist Buddhist beach say?

No Bhikkhunis(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhikkhuni) allowed.

Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocaine?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why do Buddhist monks have such sour faces?

Because they're acetic.

How do Buddhist monks compare interests?

With zen diagrams!

Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did the Buddhist photographer fail at taking pictures?

Bad cam'ra

Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?

Because they have no attachments.

What type of gum does a Buddhist perfer?

Enlightenmint! More Gum Jokes!

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist with a Jehovah's Witness?

knock knock knock... excuse me sir, but do you have a few minutes to discuss nothing

Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper?

Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.

Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch?

He had no attachments.

What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?

Make me one with everything*

How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, the changes necessary will come from within.

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Minor Jokes More Minor Jokes

Why did the guitarist get life in prison?

He fingered a minor.

What do you call a hot high school math teacher?

Expansion of minors

Hotdog Vendor Jokes More Hotdog Vendor Jokes

What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything

What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

Buddhist Monk Jokes More Buddhist Monk Jokes

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

What do Buddhist monks have for breakfast?

Ommm' lettes!

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with Chinese food?

Hop suey!

What do you get when you cross a bunny with an orange?

A pip squeak.

Trust Jokes More Trust Jokes

Why couldnt you trust Castros wife?

Because at one point, she was infidel. Ok ill leave now

Why can't you trust stairs?

Because they are always up to something.

Arrest Jokes More Arrest Jokes

Why was the horse farmer arrested?

He was raising a colt.

Why did the felon have so much energy?

He was well arrested!

People Jokes More People Jokes

What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?

A poultry-geist.

Why do happy people like to sleep in late?

Because they aren't mourning people. I just made this up!! Could you all help me with the wording? It feels like it could be a little better I just don't know how to word it differently while using the same "mourning" pun as the punch line.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

Why don't birds have to wear camouflage?

Joke: Why don't birds have to wear camouflage? Punch: Because they are already "in the skies". Thank you, I'll see myself out.

What's the sound of a one-handed corpse clapping?

Dead silence. What's the sound of a one-handed zombie clapping? Undead silence. Thanks to my gaming group for those.